Synthetic marijuana, known as Spice or K2, is gaining attention among high school seniors. According to The University of Michigan’s Monitoring the Future study one in every nine 12th graders reported using this drug.

Yesterday R. Gil Kerlikowske, Director of the White House ONDCP, urged parents to help stop teen use of Spice / K2. “It’s not in the vocabulary of parents, and they need to be aware of it so that when they have that conversation about substance abuse they are knowledgeable,” he said.  “These drugs are dangerous and can cause serious harm.”
 
Another synthetic drug to be aware of is Bath Salts, a synthetic powdered stimulants – sold online and in drug paraphernalia stores as bath salts and plant food.
 
So what exactly are these new synthetic “designer” drugs?  Here’s what you need to know:
 
Spice
 
Also Known As: K2, Fake Marijuana, Skunk, Yucatan Fire, Moon Rocks and others.
 
What Is It? Sold legally as incense under brand names such as “K2,″ Spice is a an herbal-and-chemical compound that, when smoked, simulates the effects of the tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC, in marijuana. While Spice products are labeled “not for human consumption,” they are marketed to people who are interested in herbal alternatives to marijuana (cannabis) and are sold in gas stations, head shops (retail outlets specializing in drug paraphernalia) and via the Internet. Some Spice products are sold as “incense” but resemble potpourri rather than popular, more familiar incense products (common forms include short cones or long, thin sticks).
 
How Is It Abused? Like marijuana, Spice is usually abused by smoking, but it can also be prepared as an herbal infusion for drinking. 
 
How Does It Work? Spice appears to stimulate the same brain receptors as marijuana does and produces a similar high.
 
What Are the Health Effects of Spice Abuse? Presently, there are no large-scale studies on the effects of Spice on human health or behavior. The cannbinoids found in Spice bind to the same receptors as THC; however, some of them bind more strongly to the receptors, which could lead to a much more powerful and unpredictable effect.  Spice users report experiences similar to those produced by marijuana, and regular users may experience withdrawal and addiction symptoms.

The compounds found in Spice have not been fully characterized for their effects and importantly, their toxicity, in humans. However, a variety of mood and perceptual effects have been described, and patients who have been taken to Poison Control Centers in Texas report symptoms that include rapid heart rate, vomiting, agitation, confusion, and hallucinations.
 
What is the Extent of Use? This year’s Monitoring the Future survey captured the use of Spice among high school seniors for the first time. According to the results, almost 1 in 9 or 11.4% of high school seniors reported using Spice in the past year.
 
What is the Legal Status? A number of States have instituted bans on Spice and Spice-like products and/or synthetic cannabinoid-containing products, and many others are considering legislation forbidding the sale or possession of Spice.
Note: Because Spice is marketed as being “natural,” some teens may think it’s safe to use.  But the ingredients used to make Spice can vary, and no one’s watching to see what people producing Spice are using—meaning the results could have dangerous effects on your teen’s body and brain. 
 
For more information on Spice / K2 please see this NIDA InfoFacts. 
 
Bath Salts   
 
Also Known As: Ivory Wave, Purple Wave, Red Dove, Blue Silk, Zoom, Bloom, Cloud Nine, Ocean Snow, Lunar Wave, Vanilla Sky, White Lightning, Scarface and Hurricane Charlie.
 
What Is It?  A synthetic powder typically sold in small packets online and in drug paraphernalia shops. These products often contain various amphetamine-like chemicals, such as methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MPDV), mephedrone and pyrovalerone. Because these drugs are relatively new and for now unregulated by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), scientists are not exactly sure of the ingredients in each brand.
 
How Is It Abused? While labeled as “not fit for human consumption” these drugs are typically taken orally, by inhalation, or by injection, with the worst outcomes apparently associated with snorting or intravenous administration.
 
How Does It Work? These chemicals act in the brain like stimulant drugs (they are sometimes touted as cocaine substitutes) and are said to produce highs like cocaine, Ecstasy and methamphetamines.
 
What Are the Health Effects of Bath Salts Abuse? It is too early to tell what the exact short- and long-term effects from abusing bath salts is, but what little we do know so far is alarming enough.  Chemicals in bath salts mimic the side effects of amphetamines—stimulants like cocaine or meth—such as rapid heartbeat, increased blood pressure and body temperature and even seizures, which have brought many people to emergency rooms across the country. Doctors and clinicians at U.S. poison centers have indicated that ingesting or snorting “bath salts” containing synthetic stimulants can cause chest pains, increased blood pressure, increased heart rate, agitation, hallucinations, extreme paranoia, and delusions.
 
What is the Legal Status? Several states, counties, cities and local municipalities have introduced legislation to ban these products.
 
Note: Because these chemicals act like stimulants, they present a high abuse and addiction liability. Bath salts have been reported to trigger intense cravings not unlike those experienced by methamphetamine users, and clinical reports from other countries appear to corroborate their addictiveness. They can also confer a high risk for other medical adverse effects. Some of these may be linked to the fact that, beyond their known psychoactive ingredients, the contents of “bath salts” are largely unknown, which makes the practice of abusing them, by any route, that much more dangerous. Mephedrone is of particular concern because, according to the United Kingdom experience, it presents a high risk for overdose.
 
Last February,  Kerlikowske stated: “[Bath Salts] pose a serious threat to the health and well-being of young people and anyone who uses them.”
 
Parents, and adults with a child in your life, you have extraordinary power to influence the decisions young people make.  We know active, open communication between parents and kids is the most effective prevention tool. To learn how to have more effective conversations about drugs and alcohol with your teen, please visit our Parent Toolkit.

 If you suspect or know your child is experimenting with Spice, Bath Salts or any other drug, please visit Time To Act. If your child needs help for a drug or alcohol problem or addiction, please visit Time To Get Help or call our Toll-Free Parents Helpline (855-DRUGFREE) to speak to one of our Parent Specialist for guidance.
 
Source: National Institute on Drug Abuse

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 1 Comment(s)	Print This Post
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While most teen friendships have their highs and lows, toxic friends are characterized by consistent patterns of negativity.

Yet, the signs of a toxic teen friendship aren’t always obvious to teens or their parents. Here are 20 questions to help your child determine if a friendship may be bad for her –  either mentally, physically or both.

1. Does scheduling time to see your friend feel like an obligation rather than a pleasure?

2. Do you ever feel trapped when you are together?

3. Do you feel tense in her presence?

4. Does she often show off at your expense?

5. Is she never reliably there when you need her?

6. Is she self-centered, sneaky, deceitful or disloyal?

7. Does she have habitually bad judgment?

8. Are you giving more than you’re getting?

9. Does the relationship feel out-of-sync?

10.  Do you feel emotionally drained when you are with her?

11.  Do you come away from her feeling depressed?

12.  When you talk, does it feel like she isn’t listening or just doesn’t get it?

13.  Do you dread her phone calls, emails and/or text messages?

14.  Do you hate when you see her screen name online when you look at your buddy list?

15.  Are her emails too long to read?

16.  Does she always choose to spend her time with her boyfriend, over you, given the opportunity?

17.  Has she flirted with your boyfriend or the guy you like?

18.  Has she done anything to undermine get you in trouble at school?

19.  Can you trust her to keep your confidences?

20.  Has she betrayed you?

• 	Posted by: Irene S. Levine, PhD | 2 Comment(s)	Print This Post
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As I read the articles How to Land Your Kid in Therapy, The Blessings of a B- and What if the Secret to Success Is Failure I inwardly groaned.

I remember wanting to be “the good mom,” wanting to protect my daughters from making my mistakes. I remember charging through their lives as if I were their personal full back - pushing aside chores, adversity, negative experiences and disappointments aside, as well as being their personal administrative assistant so they would have the time to do the hours of homework, sports practice, volunteering and part-time jobs required to get into a “good” college.

In my defense and that of other parents my age, my daughters’ childhoods were far more complicated than anything I’d experienced as a kid. In my world, prepping for the S.A.T. exam meant finding a #2 pencil - not hours and hours of exam strategy instruction/tutoring and practice tests. Sports meant playing a season - not striving through personal trainers and off-season Club sports to start on the Varsity team by freshman year. Homework could be done with what was at hand, at home, on my own time, with no parental oversight or after dinner trips to the crafts store. Weekends and summers were endless days of hopping on our bikes and heading off with the only admonition ringing in our ears, “Be home in time for supper.” We sorted out our own teams, fights with friends and created our own adventures and rules. And college was not a life-or-death decision. We applied to a couple, and we went.

Fortunately, “life” threw me a curve ball (actually, it was more of a fast pitch to the head), and I was forced to take a good, long, hard look at myself. And, in the process of researching my issues (mostly related to my decades-long experience coping with loved ones’ alcohol abuse and alcoholism) and going through therapy, I realized that instead of bolstering my daughters’ self-esteem and chances for an amazing life, their take-away message was, “You’re not good enough;” “I don’t trust you to make the ‘right’ decision;” “I don’t think you can do it without my help.”

At first I couldn’t imagine how I was going to put the genie back in the bottle - especially given the technology that adds an immediacy to just about every interaction. Not to mention that my daughters were in their late teens when I started. Nonetheless, the three of us agree that the new principals I decided to follow allowed them to take responsibility for their lives, ultimately changing our relationship — all for the better.

Here are the five principles I followed:

1. Understand how the brain develops. Learning from our own mistakes is a huge part of learning to cope with life. When children are constantly stimulated / rewarded while their brains are developing (from birth through early 20s), their brains wire and “demand’ good things to jump-start dopamine pathways. They also become adept and comfortable with stress and the feelings of emptiness and angst that result when the fight-or-flight pathways are not constantly triggered. The Partnership at DrugFree.org has an excellent site that can help with this understanding, “Guide to the Teen Brain.”

What I learned as a mom: This explained so many things (even some of my own young adult life behaviors!). Teens often don’t know why they do what they do, nor can they - their brain is not fully developed. It also helped me better understand how to “share my advice” in a manner they could “hear” and to appreciate that underage drinking and drug use can cause long-term problems because of the brain development that is occurring at the time.

2. Stop yourself with a quick check. Ask yourself, “Can my child do this?” Sure it may be uncomfortable, frustrating and have an imperfect outcome, but if s/he can wire neural networks to cope and self-soothe - the world truly can be an amazing place.

What I learned as a mom: Quick checks helped me to get a grip on whether I was reacting to a feeling or the fact of the matter. I also learned that sometimes I did have something to add, but I learned to offer, not jump in.  I would say something like, “If you’d like me to __________, I’d be more than happy to. I have the time right now and can do that for you.” And, if they told me, “No thanks. I’ve got it covered,” I accepted that without attitude or hurt feelings.

3.  Establish a baseline of need vs. want. One of the really difficult fights with myself was wanting to give my daughters what they wanted - and that ranged from purses to jeans to pierced ears to cell phones - especially if they “needed” the item to be a particular brand or make. It gets expensive! And it sends the message that it’s having the material things that make us happy.

What I learned as a mom: Deciding what I was willing to pay changed the conversation to, “I will give you $X.” That gave them the opportunity to decide just how important the item was to them and then what they were going to do to raise the remainder of the money they needed.

4.  Have your own, separate life. When our children see us able to find satisfaction independent of another person’s reaction, input or praise - they learn to do the same. Additionally, if our lives are so intertwined with theirs, they feel an underlying responsibility and/or resentment when they try to separate (such as going off to college) because they feel responsible for our happiness at a time they are trying to find their own path.

What I learned as a mom: Perhaps the most important lesson here was the one I learned - namely that I am a “self;” an independent person who has dreams and capabilities and an adventuresome spirit - all totally independent of my daughters and what they do or don’t do or think or don’t think of me. This has been especially important in our relationship now that they are both graduated from college and off to the next phase of their lives. They feel free to go and do because they know I am doing the same.

5.  Recall this partial quote from Kahill Gibran’s book, The Prophet:

Your children … come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams….

What I learned as a mom: This is such a wonderful, profound yet simple reminder - I don’t own my children - not their minds, not their bodies, not their “selves.” It is absolutely my job (more so then, than now, of course) to guide them, but the more I allowed them to find and develop their “person,” without guilt or worry for how I felt about it, the better it was for them (and as it’s turned out, for me, too!).

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We’re thrilled to welcome new blogger Dr. Irene Levine, PhD, to the Decoder community!  Dr. Levine is a clinical psychologist, an award-winning freelance journalist and the author of Best Friends Forever.  She also maintains The Friendship Blog, a blog about the nature, meaning, and depth of female friendships.

It always hurts to see a child or teen sad as a result of a friendship that has gone awry. One way to help your teen through a difficult friend breakup is to explain that it’s common for young people to change friends often.  Perhaps, this particular friend feels more comfortable with different kids than she did in the past. Maybe she wants to hang out with friends whom she thinks are more popular or cool, or something else like that.

Here are a few things you can do to help your teen:

1. Suggest to your child that she text her friend to see if she wants to get together in-person to talk about why she’s grown distant.  She might need a bit of encouragement and support from you to do this.

2. Help channel her energy into on making some new friends. (Here are suggestions for helping your child finding new activities that might interest her.) If she and her once-BFF are school chums and have some of the same friends, let her know that it’s best not to make their breakup obvious when they’re in public.  Encourage her to act politely in mixed company and among mutual friends.

3. Remind her that this friend breakup is probably more about her friend than it is about her and she deserves a better friendship than this one! Reiterate that friendships and allegiances change so often during the teen years that it’s likely her former friend may reach out to her at some point in the future.

4. Let her know that she will feel better soon. It might be helpful to talk to a parent or family member about this since most adults have experienced friend breakups before.

Has your teen dealt with a difficult breakup?  How did you help him or her handle it?

• 	Posted by: Irene S. Levine, PhD | 2 Comment(s)	Print This Post
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This post is written by Jennifer Dyl, PhD (Rhode Island Family Guide).

Seventeen-year-old Marissa is juggling many roles. She has a demanding part-time job, plays two varsity sports, is studying for the SAT’s and trying to decide where to go to college. She also has a term paper and an internet project due this week, needs to find a date and a dress for the prom, is worried that she has gained five pounds and is afraid that her best friend is mad at her. While Marissa used to feel confident and excited by life’s challenges, she has recently been feeling overwhelmed, out of control and “stressed out.” Marissa’s story is typical of the daily pressures teens face.

“Stress” is defined as the way our bodies and minds react to life changes. Since adolescence is a period of significant change, including physical, emotional, social, and academic changes, many teens are under more stress than at any other time of life.

Teenage Stress Factors

• Academic pressure and career decisions
• Pressure to wear certain types of clothing or hairstyles
• Pressure to try drugs, alcohol, or sex
• Pressure to fit in with peer groups and measure up to others
• Adaptation to bodily changes
• Family and peer conflicts
• Taking on too many activities at one time

It is very important for teens to learn to handle stress, as long-term build-up of stress which is not handled effectively may lead to problems including physical illness, anxiety or depression, which call for professional help.

Teenage “Stress Overload” Signs

• Increased physical illness (headaches, stomachaches, muscle pains, chronic fatigue)
• “Shutting down” and withdrawal from people and activities
• Increased anger or irritable lashing out at others
• Increased tearfulness and feelings of hopelessness
• Chronic feelings of worry and nervousness
• Difficulty sleeping and eating
• Difficulty concentrating

Our body’s natural reaction to life events we perceive as overwhelming entails the “fight or flight” response, which may produce a faster heart rate, increased blood flow, shallow breathing, a sense of dread, and a desire to escape. However, teens can teach themselves to perceive life challenges as within their control and can even change their body’s reactions to such events, promoting a lower heart rate, deeper breathing, clearer thinking, and feelings of calmness and control. There are many stress management skills that promote the relaxation response.

Stress Management Skills for Teens

• Taking deep breaths, accompanied by thoughts of being in control (”I can handle this”)
• Progressive muscle relaxation, (repeatedly tensing and relaxing large muscles of the body)
• Setting small goals and breaking tasks into smaller manageable “chunks”
• Exercising and eating regular meals; avoiding excessive caffeine
• Rehearsing and practicing feared situations (i.e., practicing public speaking, asking someone out on a date ahead of time
• Talking about problems with others, including parents, other adults, and friends
• Lowering unrealistic expectations.
• Focusing on things you can control and letting go of things you cannot control.
• Scheduling breaks and enjoyable activities, such as music, art, sports, socializing
• Accepting yourself as you are. Identifying unique strengths and building on them, but realizing no one is perfect!

To read more about how to help your teen cope with stress, visit the Rhode Island Family Guide.

• 	Posted by: Olivia Chao | 0 Comment(s)	Print This Post
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With back-to-school season in full swing, this means the end of summer and the beginning of a brand-new school year.  Some teens will be entering a new school and others will be moving up a grade or both.  For many teens, this means an entirely different environment with an added pressure of making new friends.  Though your teen may be good at hiding his emotions, he may be stressed and have questions about this new beginning.

Whether it’s back to school, strating puberty or moving to a new town, transitions can be challenging. To help, we turned to some of our experts to help us understand some of our kid’s major life transitions – and find out what we can to help them through it.

We also asked our summer interns (college students and recent grads)  about difficult transitions they’ve faced — and how they got through them.  They also share reflections on their summer spent here at The Partnership at Drugfree.org:

Did you notice our interns mentioning our new You Are Not Alone campaign in this video? Find out more about this movement dedicated to supporting the 11 million American families whose teens need treatment for drug and alcohol abuse.

How is your child dealing with going back to school?  What are you doing to help ease this time of transition for him or her?

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We’re happy to welcome back guest blogger Tracey Jackson.  She is an author, screenwriter, filmmaker and mother of two. Tracey has just completed her first book, Between a Rock and a Hot Place, a funny, fearless, no-holds-barred look at turning fifty.

This month tens of thousands of parents will schlepp cars full of X-long sheets, printers, sneakers, laptops and clothes, sometimes thousands of miles with the intent on helping their wee ones (now almost adults) move into their dorms.  But as was reported in The New York Times last year, many schools have invoked a policy where the mandate is drop off the stuff and skedaddle.

Seems like a very curt goodbye for a live-in relationship that has been going on for 18 years.

It’s a very tough issue to address.  Are they doing the right thing or not?   Is this the institution’s sticking their nose where it does not belong or are they doing what they feel is best for the student body, the school and the student?  Is a quick good-bye better than a long dramatic one? But then you have the parent’s side:   Who are you to tell me how and when to say good-bye to my kid?  In many cases, I’m footing the bill. Do they not realize this is the hardest thing most parents have ever done in their lives?

I know for myself dropping my daughter off last year was as traumatic a time as I remember going through. I was so devastated by having to leave her on the curb I spent six months blogging about it in a blog called Freshman Mom.

It is — for most of us —  a defining moment in our lives and while necessary and important for them, the selfish part of us does not like what it defines, the end of an era and the completion of a part of our parenting duties. Our lives and relationships with our children will never be the same again. They will be different and in some cases better, but parenting them, as we know it is now in many ways over.

AND THEY WANT US TO DO THIS IN FIVE MINUTES????

There is a good reason for it though. I think that in this case many non-intrusive parents are paying the price for the uber-hover parents. The ones who since pre-school have not stayed one centimeter  out of their kid’s lives; the parents who call the coach when they don’t think their kids getting enough time on the field. The ones who drive the schools crazy with endless questions, and tell the teachers what to do, and how to do it.  They do the homework, read every book their offspring reads, yes Virginia there are parents who do this. I have gotten into heated discussions with them at my younger daughter’s school. I don’t have time to read the books I want to read and now you want me to work my way through Twilight?  They have their kid’s hooked up to a GPS and know their every move.

If these hovercraft parents were able to control themselves and edit their behavior the institutions would not have to dictate their flight patterns. But sadly, they don’t and because of that the rest of us pay the price.

I’m not advocating that parents should not  pay attention. I’m a big believer in being attentive to what is important and in keeping my children safe. But at the same time I feel we should give our kids some autonomy so they don’t feel as if we are suffocating them and then all they want is to get as far from us as possible.

Carol Maxym, PhD, who wrote the book Teens In Turmoil feels that if you do not give children places where they excel without your intervention and parts of their lives they can call their own, they will find “secret places” and often times, those secret places are the very places we do not want them gong to, drugs, alcohol, self-inflicted pain.

And if we don’t know how to respect their boundaries and what lines to cross from here on in, someone will be there to do it for us, be it the schools, a boss or a mate.

In the end we are often the architects of our own fate.  Never is that more true when it comes to our kids and their burgeoning adulthood. If we do it right thenwe won’t have others telling us to move on - not only is our presence no longer required, it is not wanted. And ultimately that is the worst kind of good-bye.

Related Links:
The Teenage Connection
Pressure to Succeed: Are Our Children in a Race to Nowhere?
Is Your Child Away At College? Let Him Know You’ve Got His Back

• 	Posted by: Tracey Jackson | 1 Comment(s)	Print This Post
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Young drivers today are more likely to blame external causes for mishaps on the road rather than take responsibility.

A study by Liberty Mutual and SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions reveals that one in three teen drivers (34%) have had “near misses” while driving.  When asked what caused these “near misses” very few owned up to the close call.

The same young drivers admit to engaging in dangerous behaviors while driving such as speeding, texting while driving, talking to friends or changing songs on their MP3 player.  When discussing their “near miss,” these teens and young adults blame other drivers or the weather (21%) but very rarely acknowledge their own dangerous behavior.

With all this being said, 92% of teens polled consider themselves to be safe drivers.

Teens who  reported to have “almost accidents” stated that they changed their driving behaviors and limited their distractions temporarily.  Their commitment to safer driving was short lived.

Sadly, according to this study, it takes getting into an accident to have lasting changes in driving habits.  Almost 70% of teen drivers who have been in an accident claim that their experience has changed their driving habits forever.  Unfortunately, many teens who get into accidents due to unsafe driving behavior will not get a second chance.

Now in the height of summer, teens are behind the wheel for more hours of the day. Liberty Mutual and SADD representatives urge parents to sit down with their children to review family rules on the road.  Parents need to stress their concerns, according to this study, because many teens do not share these same concerns.

Don’t let your child be the example, talk to your kids about safe driving conditions.

Related Links:
Your Parenting Style May Affect Your Teen’s Driving
A Parent’s Guide to the Teen Brain
Cars Make Drug and Alcohol Use Easier

• 	Posted by: Laura Bellotti | 0 Comment(s)	Print This Post
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It’s normal to feel uneasy about talking to your teen about sex, drugs and alcohol.  (I know I certainly did.) Here are 10 tips that may help you:

1. Talk early and talk often about sex. “Teens are thinking about sex from early adolescence and they’re very nervous about it,” explains Elizabeth Schroeder, EdD, MSW, Executive Director, Answer, a national sexuality education organization based at Rutgers University.  “They get a lot of misinformation about sex and what it’s supposed to be like. And as a result they think that if they take drugs, if they drink, that’s going to make them feel less nervous.”

Take this quiz to sharpen your talking skills.

2. Take a moment. What if your teen asks a question that shocks you? Dr. Schroeder suggests saying, “‘You know, that’s a great question.‘ or ‘I gotta tell you, I’m not sure if you’re being serious right now but I need a minute.‘” Then regain your composure and return to the conversation.

Learn how to handle personal questions from your teen like: “How old were you when you first had sex?” and “Have you ever used drugs?”

3. Be the source of accurate information. Beyond many school health classes, teens have lots of questions about drugs, pregnancy, condoms, abstinence and oral sex.

Find out what one mom discovered when she sat in on her daughter’s sex ed class.

4. Explain the consequences. Since teen brains aren’t wired yet for consequential thinking and impulse control, it’s important to have frank discussions with your teens about the ramifications of unprotected sex and the importance of using condoms to prevent the spread of STDs, HIV and unwanted pregnancy.

Find out how to guide your child toward healthy risks instead of dangerous ones.

5. Help your child figure out what’s right and wrong. Teens need — and want– limits.  When it comes to things like sexuality, drugs and alcohol, they want to know what the rules and consequences are.

6. Use teachable moments. Watch TV shows (like “16 and Pregnant,”  “Teen Mom,” “Jersey Shore” and “Greek”), movies, commercials, magazine ads and the news with your teen and ask “What did you think about that?” “What did you notice about how these characters interacted?”  “What did you think about the decisions they made?” For us, one of the best ways to talk about a number of heavy topics was to take a drive — that way we weren’t face-to-face.

7.  Explain yourself. Teens need to hear your rationale and why you feel the way you do. One approach is to talk about sex, drugs and alcohol in the context of your family’s values and beliefs.

One of the most challenging moments for me was when my daughters brought up the subject of intercourse.  I explained that my hope was they would not do it until they were in a committed, mutually caring relationship and that it would be a choice, not an attempt to hold onto a relationship and that it would be mutually satisfying.

8. Talk about “sexting.” Texting sexual images and messages is more prevalent than you may think. Read more.

9. Remember how you felt. I know when I started puberty I had many thoughts, feelings and questions that weren’t discussed in my family. Things like body changes, feelings of attraction, acne, weight gain, emotional confusion and the desire to push your parents away.  I wanted to help my daughters avoid that confusion.  I wanted them to understand early on that puberty is a hardwired, biological change that happens to all humans so they become interested in sex for the purposes of procreation. It’s natural to have impulses and feelings that are part and parcel to puberty. Teens don’t have control over these feelings and impulses, but they do have control over whether they act on them.

10. Persevere. Dr. Schroeder warns that your teenager may not want to talk — he or she may shrug and walk away. “Adolescents are supposed to behave in that way when inside what they’re really saying is ‘Keep talking to me about this. I need to know what you think. I’m trying to figure this out for myself as a teenager and if I don’t get messages from you, then I’m not going to know how to do this,’” she explains.

• 	Posted by: Lisa Frederiksen | 2 Comment(s)	Print This Post
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