There’s a rapidly growing anxiety among teens.  It’s all about being constantly connected and how feeling out of the loop is — well, torturous.  And it’s no laughing matter.

Many teens I talk to feel compelled to check Facebook constantly and respond to email and text messages immediately — no matter where they are and what they’re doing.  So much so, that the thought of being out of touch with friends has become a full-blown fear.   A 15-year-old girl recently confessed that she sleeps with her cell phone so that she won’t miss a text.   A 16-year-old boy tells me that he can’t bear to turn off his computer for a few hours while he studies for a test because he might miss something “important” happening with his friends.  And a middle schooler confided that despite her parent’s restrictions, she races to her computer after they have gone to sleep.  It’s a connection frenzy alright, fueled by peer pressure and a fear of being alone.

Despite the documented benefits of social networking, there is a dangerous downside.  Increasing numbers of teenagers feel compelled to stay tuned in and are inadvertently making major sacrifices to do so.  We’re looking at a more distracted and impatient generation in the making.  Young people are becoming more dependent on their online friends, shunning introspection, and deferring to decisions by consensus.  To say the least, this fear of disconnection weakens their focus on the task at hand and often fuels procrastination.  There’s a powerfully addictive quality to their electronic meanderings and many teens readily acknowledge it’s difficult to break away from its spell.

So, what’s a parent to do?  It would be easy to say that if a teen is going overboard we simply take away their cell phone or internet access.  But that no longer flies in the current culture — it’s an integral part of their lives.  And worse yet, severing their lifeline may backfire if they become depressed, ostracized, or increasingly rebellious or sneaky. 

Better to establish reasonable and enforceable guidelines for cell and internet use.  We’re really talking about fostering independence here.  That means teaching our kids to be responsible, respectful of limits, and to be able to refrain from their 24/7 need for connection.   Young people must learn to entertain themselves, be comfortable alone, and delay instant gratification in order to keep them from being obsessed with being connected.  And perhaps it’s time to revisit the old notion of doing one thing at a time!

On a side note, make sure you practice what you preach so that there isn’t a disconnect between your actions and your advice. Parents should examine their own behavior  and model a healthy relationship with social media. You don’t want to tell your teen he texts too much if you’re constantly checking your “Crackberry!”

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Neil Bernstein | 3 Comment(s)
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Some parents believe that one way to prevent their children from binge drinking in college is to allow them to drink in high school. (I guess their thinking is that by letting their teens “practice” drinking in high school, they won’t overdo it when they find themselves on campus — especially if they’re at one of the top party schools, free of parental supervision.)

One way that parents do this is by hosting parties for teens and serving alcohol.

But, a new report from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism challenges the idea that prior experience drinking in high school will prevent teens from going overboard in college.

The article, How NOT to Raise a College Binge Drinker  highlights research from the Prevention Research and Methodology Center at Pennsylvania State University that says parents who allow their teens to drink alcohol in high school are not preventing them from abusing alcohol when they get to college.

So what is effective in preventing alcohol abuse in college? Parental disapproval of drinking. Don’t just assume that your kids “know” you don’t want them to drink — make it clear by telling them. Some parents have even found it helpful to write the rules out in a contract that they sign with their child.

Teens who were allowed to drink at fairly high levels were more likely to be binge drinkers in college than their peers who had not been allowed to drink, or whose parents had set comparably low limits for what they considered to be acceptable drinking behavior.

The findings led to the conclusion that parents allowing alcohol consumption during the later years of high school was actually a significant risk factor for alcohol misuse and its consequences in college.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 3 Comment(s)
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Experts say it’s normal for teens to trick their parents from time to time. In honor of Halloween, we’ve created a guide for parents to do some trickery of their own — all in the name of reducing teen mischief and keeping kids safe, healthy and drug-free.

Check out these 10 tips for tricking and treating your teen on Halloween and beyond.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 0 Comment(s)
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Parents have a big impact on the safety of teen drivers, according to an article in Healthday which highlights two recent studies published in the journal Pediatrics last month.

Parents who set rules and boundaries, and follow up on these rules, seem to raise teens who are better drivers. The first study observed the connection between parenting styles and teen driving behaviors/attitudes, and the second looked at teen behavior based on access to a vehicle.

More than 5,000 teens in grades 9-11 were surveyed and their responses show that teens with authoritative (high support along with rules and monitoring) or authoritarian (low support with rules and monitoring) parents are half as likely to speed. They also wear seatbelts twice as often as teens with uninvolved parents (low support and low rules.)

Compared to teens with uninvolved parents, teens with authoritative parents were about 70 percent less likely to drink and drive, 50 percent less likely to get into a car accident, and about 30 percent less likely to talk on their cell phones or text while driving.

The second study surveyed about 2,000 teens, and found that teens with easy access to a vehicle — meaning that they had their own car or didn’t need to ask for permission to use the family car — were twice as likely to get into a car accident, and about 25 percent more likely to speed, as well as use their phone while driving, compared to teens who have to ask to use the car.

Car crashes are the biggest threat to teen safety, says the lead author of the studies, Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, who is an adolescent medicine specialist at the Center for Injury Research and Prevention at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
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• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 1 Comment(s)
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The Partnership recently joined with two other organizations — the National Military Family Association and the National Association of School Nurses — to announce new resources to help military families keep their kids healthy and drug-free.

Science shows that transitions are particularly stressful periods for kids and they are more likely to experiment with drugs and alcohol at those times. Kids in military families face more significant transitions than kids in most other families –- from moves and new schools about every three years to having a parent deployed, injured or even killed. We wanted to create resources specifically for military moms and dads so that they were aware of the risks that these kinds of transitions can pose and so that they’d have a simple set of tools to use to help them talk to their kids at these vulnerable intervals.

At our launch event on Capitol Hill September 30, a mom told the story of her son’s drug use and subsequent addiction which started when his dad was injured in Iraq. He has struggled for the last five years and is now in a 12-step program. Last year their family spent $138,000 on treatment for him at a private hospital. She said, “would talking with Jim about the transitions he was experiencing have made a difference? Possibly. Probably. Our children do listen and we had not taken the time to talk about those particular issues.”

Our service men and women put their lives on the line for all of us in this country. I’m proud that the Partnership is taking action to offer guidance to military families who are facing tough transitions in their lives.

The new resources for military families are available at www.TimeToTalk.org/Military.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 0 Comment(s)
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Since I write a column for a Spanish gastronomy publication, I often find myself reading wine magazines to see what’s out there pleasing palates these days. I do wish I could be one of those people who delights in taking small delicate sniffs and dainty sips of a prized vintage before making learned comments in which I would toss around terms such as oaky and smoky. Alas, back in the day I tended to do much more swigging and swilling than I ever did swishing and sipping and therefore, it’s always a bit hard for me to relate to the whole world of wine-tasting. Tasting is all well and good but what’s the point really if you can’t go on to guzzle? That’s what I always say anyway. I guess that’s one of the reasons I no longer drink…
 
Back to my point. I was recently flipping through the June issue of Decanter magazine when I came across an article that really irritated me. It was called “How to Get Your Kids into Wine.”  Author Beverley Blanning kicks off by writing  about how horrible it is that the UK government has actually given the warning that “Parents and young people should be aware that drinking, even at age 15 or older, can be hazardous to health and not drinking is the healthiest option for young people.”
 
Blanning seems to be genuinely perplexed as to how the government can warn that drinking might be hazardous when magazines such as Decanter exist. Obviously, reasons Blanning, there are plenty of people who enjoy wine for reasons other than its alcohol content so isn’t the government overreacting just a bit? “There has to be an alternative message about wine for children, a way to install an appreciation of its essential qualities from an early age; one that could arguably save them from likely abuse.” Blanning’s solution to this problem is a bit fuzzy but seems to mainly involve sharing the virtues of wine with your children rather than demonizing it and allowing them to taste if it they’re interested.
 
What really bugged me about this article was that Blanning seems to believe that abuse of alcohol amongst young people happens solely as a form of rebellion against unenlightened and puritanical parents who tell their kids that drinking is bad. Furthermore, she implies that readers of the magazine are less likely to have to worry about abuse in the first place. At one point she writes, “So what is the best way to teach children about responsible enjoyment of wine? And, assuming Decanter readers’ children aren’t the types to tear up the streets after a glass, what is the best way to actually encourage a genuine interest in wine?” Ah, if only my parents had read Decanter- I never would have developed a drinking problem!
 
Nowhere in the article does Blanning use the word “alcoholism.” Instead, she downplays the problems that can arise from drinking wine, comparing its dangers to the hazards that can come from excessive consumption of salt, sugar, or processed foods. She also trots out that tired old maxim about all the Europeans who grow up drinking wine at the dinner table as children and then go on to become deliriously happy and high-functioning non-alcoholic adults. Why does this myth continue to perpetuate?  I live in Europe and just as it is in the US, adolescent binge drinking is a huge problem in countries such as France and Spain.
 
I don’t believe in teaching children that all drinking is bad and dangerous. I do, however, think that it’s crucial to educate them responsibly. This means that while it’s fine to extol the virtues of wine, it’s just as important to discuss its possible health risks as well, and to remember that alcoholism is a problem that affects all levels of society — even the children of Decanter magazine subscribers.

• 	Posted by: Johanna Bailey | 1 Comment(s)
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We all lie.  For parents, it is important to tell if their teens are lying.  After watching and interacting with thousands of teens, parents and families, I’ve compiled a list of clues for adults, teachers and parents to look out for:

(Disclaimer: the following is list of observations and does not always mean that the person you are speaking with is lying)

Verbal Cues
* Timing is off between gestures and words.  The facial expression that comes after a statement (I am so sad about this, pause and then the sad expression)
* Less full facial expression when talking.
* Out of proportion reaction.
* Responds to questions, yet asks none of their own.
* When the subject is changed there is physical and emotional relief that you can see in the teen.

Body Language
* Less physical expression and movement.  Stiffness or mechanical movement.
* The teen takes up less physical space (shrinking down in order not to be caught).
* Their hand may go up to his face or throat, especially to the mouth.
* They turn their body away from the adult or person they are lying to.
* Playing with physical objects or actually placing a physical object in between the two of you as a type of barrier.

Verbal Content
* Responding to an accusation by offering a belief in general instead of this specific instance (ie Do you smoke pot? -I believe pot is dangerous.)
* Constantly adding additional details until you believe them and to fill silences.
* They use such phrases as “To tell you the truth”  “To be perfectly honest”  and “Why would I lie to you?”
* The answer is very specific, almost rehearsed about a ‘casual event’
* They repeat your question.

To Catch A Lie
* Use an open-ended question that is not accusatory but alludes to a possible behavior: “Anything interesting happen at the party last night?”

* Ask their opinion on a similar example:  “I would love your opinion on this.  A friend of mine from college, recently found a lighter and some rolling papers in their child’s jeans.  She is not sure how to approach it or if the papers were used for cigarettes or pot.  What should she do?”

Lying is a very natural, yet dangerous occurrence.  Unfortunately it is part of growing up, but parents need to be aware of teens lying habits to keep them safe.  I share these tips and hope they will be used in the right circumstance.

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 2 Comment(s)
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Last night I tried to teach my mom (love you!) how to download a song onto her iPod.  It was a nightmare.  Not just because I had to explain the concept of an iPod (and of downloading — at least music she understood), but also because of her fear and self-doubt that came along with it. Because I am a professional blogger, I teach people and companies about the Internet, technology and social networking all the time.  I have come to realize that sometimes grown-ups are virtual kids and kids are virtual grown-ups!

Why I Think Adults are Virtually Immature and Kids are Virtually Grown-Up:

1) Learning to use a social network, such as Facebook, is like learning to ride a bike. If you learn it as a child, you are fearless, you try everything, it comes naturally and you have time to practice.  But if you learn as an adult (I am still trying to learn how to ride a bike, so I know), it is scary.  You think about how much it would hurt to fall, you do not practice as much, you feel stupid, you cannot get the gist of it as fast, and even when you do get going, you still feel nervous.  With social networking, kids go through the learning process early and some are virtually grown-up by age 12!

2) Adults often have more fears than kids. Sure, tweens and teens could probably afford to use more caution, especially when it comes to the web, but the part of their brains that would make them worry about consequences hasn’t fully developed yet.  Meanwhile, many adults I teach are too afraid of everything technological — pushing the wrong button, breaking something, or feeling “dumb,” “stupid,” or “pathetic” if they cannot get something right.  Adults who are virtual kids have a lot of fear and kids who are virtual grown-ups are secure with their online selves.

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• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 0 Comment(s)
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As a father of two teens, I know it’s impossible to shield our kids from messages that promote underage drinking. That said, it’s always nice to be given a heads-up so we know just who and what in pop culture may be negatively influencing our kids – and right now in particular, I think you’ll be surprised to find out some of the sources sending pro-drinking messages to our teenagers. Here’s a quick round-up of where our kids have been seeing and hearing “cool” alcohol-related messages lately:

Tweens and younger teens: The latest Harry Potter movie. If you think I’m kidding, check out this article from the New York Times, which cites a number of scenes in which our favorite young wizards, only about 16, drink “butterbeer” and appear to get drunk.

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• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 6 Comment(s)
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