There’s a rapidly growing anxiety among teens.  It’s all about being constantly connected and how feeling out of the loop is — well, torturous.  And it’s no laughing matter.

Many teens I talk to feel compelled to check Facebook constantly and respond to email and text messages immediately — no matter where they are and what they’re doing.  So much so, that the thought of being out of touch with friends has become a full-blown fear.   A 15-year-old girl recently confessed that she sleeps with her cell phone so that she won’t miss a text.   A 16-year-old boy tells me that he can’t bear to turn off his computer for a few hours while he studies for a test because he might miss something “important” happening with his friends.  And a middle schooler confided that despite her parent’s restrictions, she races to her computer after they have gone to sleep.  It’s a connection frenzy alright, fueled by peer pressure and a fear of being alone.

Despite the documented benefits of social networking, there is a dangerous downside.  (More…)

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Neil Bernstein | 3 Comment(s)
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Parents have a big impact on the safety of teen drivers, according to an article in Healthday which highlights two recent studies published in the journal Pediatrics last month.

Parents who set rules and boundaries, and follow up on these rules, seem to raise teens who are better drivers. The first study observed the connection between parenting styles and teen driving behaviors/attitudes, and the second looked at teen behavior based on access to a vehicle.

More than 5,000 teens in grades 9-11 were surveyed and their responses show that teens with authoritative (high support along with rules and monitoring) or authoritarian (low support with rules and monitoring) parents are half as likely to speed. They also wear seatbelts twice as often as teens with uninvolved parents (low support and low rules.)

Compared to teens with uninvolved parents, teens with authoritative parents (More…)

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 3 Comment(s)
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Something I see a lot of in my field is the classic (and fraudulent) tactical mistake parents too often make when disciplining their teens. This tactic takes on features that are Ponzi-like in the realm of parenting, which is why I call this strategy “Ponzi Parenting.”

As I’m sure most of you know, in the financial world, a Ponzi scheme is a scam that aims for short-term gain instead of long-term success, setting off a whole series of bad behaviors. Similarly, “Ponzi Parents” try to please their kids — and make life easier for themselves — in the short term, without worrying about larger, and possibly lifelong, negative consequences.

The main theme of the error is that when parents discipline for the moment and get in the habit of choosing the easy way out, they bank on the short-term gain of pleasing their child and on the hope of avoiding conflict. But keeping children happy doesn’t necessarily mean (More…)

• 	Posted by: Ken Winters, Ph.D. | 1 Comment(s)
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“I am free, I am free, I am free!”

I have heard both parents and teens chant this as they pack up the minivan and leave for college.  Yet, parents often watch their kids leave, with tears in their eyes and forget to cover some essential pre-freshman topics. Since it’s now June, and your high school seniors are either graduating soon or have just graduated, I thought I’d share some advice with you so you can use the whole summer to start preparing your teen for college. (More…)

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 2 Comment(s)
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Yesterday I posted a great article on just how much teens are texting these days (hint: it’s even more than you think). So it may be hard to believe that while our kids are so steeped in their own little virtual worlds, they are actually hugging and non-sexually touching each other more than ever! In fact, gratuitous hugging has become so common and disruptive lately that many middle and high schools around the country are actually banning this seemingly innocent gesture. In this article from the New York Times, Sarah Kershaw explores all the ins and outs of the new teenage hug.

So, what’s your take on all this? By banning hugging, are we making it even harder for the Facebook and Twitter generation to develop genuine human bonds? Or do you think teens right now are creeping into dangerous—or at least uncomfortable—territory? (For more perspective, see what our guest blogger Vanessa has to say here.)

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 2 Comment(s)
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Michael Hausauer, a psychotherapist in Oakland, Calif., said teenagers had a “terrific interest in knowing what’s going on in the lives of their peers, coupled with a terrific anxiety about being out of the loop.” For that reason, he said, the rapid rise in texting has potential for great benefit and great harm.

Here’s the article from the New York Times.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 1 Comment(s)
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I wore a burgundy, floor-length halter dress, gold dangle earrings, jasmine perfume. My date sported a black tux with silver cufflinks and a white shirt. On my wrist a white corsage, my hair in a loose chignon. We had 8pm dinner reservations at Linq, I ordered the blood orange and beet salad.

My prom was six years ago almost to the day and I remember everything. Prom is a big deal. At the time, I did not think it would be, but those memories are very strong (maybe even more so than graduation day). So, I have a few tips for parents who have juniors and seniors getting ready for their big night and want to make it special and safe.

1) Let Them Work Out a Plan — But Make Sure They Actually Have a Plan
Teens are such procrastinators when it comes to corsages, limos, tickets and after-parties. The key here is to let your kids plan it independently so they feel like it is their night, but just make sure they do it early enough and have thought about all the details. This works really well in a list format. Instead of nagging them about it, I would just tell them you saw this list on a website for teens planning proms (a little white lie never hurt anyone) and thought it might help them and leave it on their desk or bulletin board:

(More…)

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 4 Comment(s)
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I’ve noticed a bit of a trend over the past several months.  In talking with parents, and especially folks in the news media who are parents, they seem to be more and more attuned to issues like online predators and sexual content on the web that place their kids at risk.  They also see all the spam their own in-boxes hawking prescription drugs online.  They know talking with their kids about all this is important.

When I raise the issue of also guarding against their kids being exposed to online drug content, pro-drug use websites and literally instructive “how to” videos on binge drinking and drug use that popping up across the net, there is a level of disbelief that’s remarkable.  Sex they know. Bad guys they get.  Yet the idea that there are people out there promoting drug abuse to their kids, showing them how in exacting detail, celebrating being wrecked, just seems a degree too far out.   “That CAN’T be possible!”  “That CAN’T be legal?”  “WHO would be that stupid?” Sorry…

Nielsen Online recently did a study that looked at video streams viewed online by a sample of 13 to 18 year olds across the country.  In June 2008 alone, nearly one million teens viewed online videos promoting alcohol and drug use.  The folks at the Center for Substance Abuse Research at the University of Maryland sum up the data this way, “Of the 1.2 million substance-related videos viewed by teens, 39% portrayed explicit use of alcohol or other drugs and/or intoxication. In addition, the majority (85%) of these videos had comments posted that promoted substance use. The survey also found that more than one-third (35%) of viewers of all substance-related videos were younger than 16, and females were more likely than males to watch these videos (57% vs. 43%).”

So, as a parent or caring adult, what do we do?  We have to realize that for all of the greatness and richness brought to our lives via the web, there is also the potential for harm.  Practical tips include:  1) Be clear and consistent with your kids about what online content is out of bounds.  2) Be familiar with the digital devices and web tools your kids use.  3) Keep computers in common areas of your home — family room or other central location — and limit the time your kids spend online.  4) Visit your teen’s personal blog, web site, favorite social networking sites or other postings.  5) Pay attention to the history, cookies and other tracking on your computer.

These are by no means all of the potential courses a parent can take, but the essential fact is that your child can be and is exposed to an extraordinary volume of pro-drinking, pro-drugging content on the web.  Monitoring your child plays a key role.  We need to both know and accept this is happening right now. With that knowledge we can each begin to take our own steps to safeguard our children.

What are your tips for protecting kids from dangerous online content?

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 3 Comment(s)
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I’ve seen many at-risk teenagers over the years and have been struck by their complaints about boredom.  Take Mike, a 15-year-old ninth grader who hated being alone.  He’d surf the web, listen to his iPod, play video games, text his friends, and frantically search for “something to do.”  In fact, he would go to great lengths to avoid facing the void within him.  There are many Mikes out there—restless and discontented teens in search of a way to numb their discomfort and connect with others.  But all too often they go about it in the wrong way—they take shortcuts.  Getting high or drunk is one.  Another is meeting strangers online or going to “seedy” places to hang out.  And even their constant need to IM, and spend time in My Space, underscores their never ending search.  Until they find comfort within themselves and learn to be self-sufficient, they’ll continue floating from one negative distraction to the next. 

Perhaps this inability to tolerate downtime is an unwelcome outcome of the electronic age which gave birth to a high stimulation generation.  Today’s youth expect to be entertained.  And there’s plenty out there to keep them busy.  The problem is that the more they get, the more they want.  Unfortunately, this doesn’t help teens to figure out who they are and what they want from life.  And if we’re not careful, they’ll spend more time avoiding these tasks than rising to the challenge.  Anyone who has talked to kids who have to “chill” all the time, knows what I’m referring to.  Color it avoidance—of the pressure to succeed, of their feelings of self-doubt, or of the demand for conformity to a social standard they can’t meet.  

Often, boredom is only the tip of the iceberg and loneliness lurks below.  Parents take note.  Self-direction relieves the pressure to go along with the crowd and cast judgment to the wind.  Don’t take it upon yourself to entertain your kids when they “have nothing to do”.  If you do their work, they’ll become dependent on you, and only shift that dependence to their peers as they get older.  

Instead, teach them satisfying ways to occupy themselves when they’re alone.  And if your son or daughter is a prisoner of cyberspace, it’s probably time to take action.  Rather than restrict them from the few things they enjoy, why not tell them that you expect them to engage in constructive activities for at least several hours a day prior to computer use or hanging out with like minded friends.  They can choose the activities from a menu which you come up with jointly.  They’ll probably balk at this, but stick to your guns.  There are plenty of options out there which can fuel interests and combat boredom.  Think school clubs, volunteer work, developing a talent, organized sports, getting a part-time job, or pursuing a hobby.  Good things happen when young people find their passions. 

Sally, a 17-year-old I worked with some years ago, chose to work in retailing after her parents insisted that she do something other than complain how “bored” she was.  I ran into her last year and was pleasantly surprised to learn that she was a manager of a large store.     

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Neil Bernstein | 3 Comment(s)
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