Parents have a big impact on the safety of teen drivers, according to an article in Healthday which highlights two recent studies published in the journal Pediatrics last month.

Parents who set rules and boundaries, and follow up on these rules, seem to raise teens who are better drivers. The first study observed the connection between parenting styles and teen driving behaviors/attitudes, and the second looked at teen behavior based on access to a vehicle.

More than 5,000 teens in grades 9-11 were surveyed and their responses show that teens with authoritative (high support along with rules and monitoring) or authoritarian (low support with rules and monitoring) parents are half as likely to speed. They also wear seatbelts twice as often as teens with uninvolved parents (low support and low rules.)

Compared to teens with uninvolved parents, teens with authoritative parents were about 70 percent less likely to drink and drive, 50 percent less likely to get into a car accident, and about 30 percent less likely to talk on their cell phones or text while driving.

The second study surveyed about 2,000 teens, and found that teens with easy access to a vehicle — meaning that they had their own car or didn’t need to ask for permission to use the family car — were twice as likely to get into a car accident, and about 25 percent more likely to speed, as well as use their phone while driving, compared to teens who have to ask to use the car.

Car crashes are the biggest threat to teen safety, says the lead author of the studies, Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, who is an adolescent medicine specialist at the Center for Injury Research and Prevention at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia.
(More…)

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 0 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

Something I see a lot of in my field is the classic (and fraudulent) tactical mistake parents too often make when disciplining their teens. This tactic takes on features that are Ponzi-like in the realm of parenting, which is why I call this strategy “Ponzi Parenting.”

As I’m sure most of you know, in the financial world, a Ponzi scheme is a scam that aims for short-term gain instead of long-term success, setting off a whole series of bad behaviors. Similarly, “Ponzi Parents” try to please their kids — and make life easier for themselves — in the short term, without worrying about larger, and possibly lifelong, negative consequences. 

The main theme of the error is that when parents discipline for the moment and get in the habit of choosing the easy way out, they bank on the short-term gain of pleasing their child and on the hope of avoiding conflict. But keeping children happy doesn’t necessarily mean keeping them safe — and teens in particular, with their crazy hormones and developing brains, need their parents to watch out for their health and wellness. Many parents falsely assume that somewhere down the road, their children will learn hard life lessons on their own, outside the home.

But this short-sided approach eventually sets a bad precedent; it enables children to manipulate their parents, and more importantly, it ultimately hurts children’s long-term development.  As a parent, you are in the best position to teach important, life-lessons to your children!

So what’s an example of Ponzi Parenting? Let’s go with enforcing (or not enforcing) curfew. Let’s say you have a teen, and her curfew is 10 pm. That said, she never actually gets home at 10, but when you try to bring that up, she yells, whines and tells you, “You’re so unfair; you treat me like a little baby!” You decide that enforcing her curfew is not worth the headache, and let her stay out as late as she wants. But when your teen is out past 10, she encounters problems that put her safety at risk — for instance, a friend who’s supposed to drive her home from a party drinking too much alcohol. 

Limits and consequences, I will admit, are certainly not “fun” for anyone. I can’t name any teenager who likes having a curfew, or any parent that enjoys listening to his kid cry — or throw a fit —after a cell phone, car or other fun privilege has been taken away. But when you do away with rules and Ponzi Parent, you teach your kid that bad behavior has no negative results, which simply isn’t true.

And as a parent, you should never fall into the Ponzi Parenting trap when it comes to the issue of drugs and your child. I can’t stress this enough. If your teen tries drugs or alcohol, you must take action immediately, and not wait for him to figure out the dangers of substance use on his own. Set a rule that your kid is not allowed to smoke anything, and actually do something if he comes home from a friend’s house red-eyed and reeking of pot. Missing the next get-together will no doubt make your teen upset, but it will also make him think twice the next time he’s offered a joint!

Want to know the one good thing about Ponzi Parenting? Unlike a real Ponzi scheme, you can get out of old patterns and start fresh any day you choose. Raising kids is a learning process — even if you’re guilty of Ponzi-parenting today, it doesn’t mean that you can’t discuss some limits and possible consequences with your teen tomorrow. And hey, unlike Bernie Madoff, admitting your mistakes is not going to land you in prison, and it may actually help (and amuse!) your child.

• 	Posted by: Ken Winters, Ph.D. | 1 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

Recently, we had a scary incident occur at school for our 12-year-old son, Adam, that merits sharing.

At the beginning of the school year, Adam’s first year in middle school, he befriended a boy I wasn’t completely comfortable with for various reasons (we’ll call the boy Joe). Adam, a kid with a big heart who befriends just about everyone, genuinely liked Joe and hung out with him. I remained cautious, but allowed him to invite Joe over from time to time. I shared my concern and how I felt about Joe with Adam, but it was hard to argue with my son because he truly liked this child and didn’t have any real reason not to.

Then, months went by and we didn’t see Joe. I asked Adam about it and he said he didn’t feel comfortable around him anymore. I wasn’t about to argue with him since I was uncomfortable around him as well, but felt better knowing Adam could sense something wasn’t right.
(More…)

• 	Posted by: Tara Paterson | 2 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

Doesn’t it seem like we’re getting hit with a lot of bad news these days? Well, here’s some good news to brighten your day: Little Leaguers are in agreement that use of performance-enhancing substances is bad.

Sure, they don’t seem to entirely comprehend the health risks of using steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs. But your 11- and 12-year-old boys do know what has gone on, and they’re very clear that they don’t like it. Many Little Leaguers say that they’re disappointed with their favorite players, and some even call those under scrutiny “cheaters.” But more importantly, these young players are vowing not to let performance-enhancing substances affect their own lives. Baseball leagues across the country are having their players wear “I Won’t Cheat” patches and pledge to remain clean.

But remember, parents, just because your kids are in the know about pop culture doesn’t mean you should let a teachable moment pass you by. Try discussing with your kids not just cheating, but also the physical and emotional toll steroids can have on the body. And be conscious not to be too hard on your kid’s hero - the Little Leaguers mentioned in the article above agreed that the pros “messed up,” but they also believe the players deserve a second chance.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 0 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

I wore a burgundy, floor-length halter dress, gold dangle earrings, jasmine perfume. My date sported a black tux with silver cufflinks and a white shirt. On my wrist a white corsage, my hair in a loose chignon. We had 8pm dinner reservations at Linq, I ordered the blood orange and beet salad.

My prom was six years ago almost to the day and I remember everything. Prom is a big deal. At the time, I did not think it would be, but those memories are very strong (maybe even more so than graduation day). So, I have a few tips for parents who have juniors and seniors getting ready for their big night and want to make it special and safe.

1) Let Them Work Out a Plan — But Make Sure They Actually Have a Plan
Teens are such procrastinators when it comes to corsages, limos, tickets and after-parties. The key here is to let your kids plan it independently so they feel like it is their night, but just make sure they do it early enough and have thought about all the details. This works really well in a list format. Instead of nagging them about it, I would just tell them you saw this list on a website for teens planning proms (a little white lie never hurt anyone) and thought it might help them and leave it on their desk or bulletin board:

(More…)

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 4 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

We’ve known for years that involved and connected fathers raise teenagers who do better in school, have healthier relationships, and stay out of trouble.  Not bad for a job that we all want to do well.  But sometimes things get in the way of becoming the father we want to be.  Our work demands increase, we’re around the house less, and we try to rush our kids to talk to us.  I can remember racing home from the office when my kids were young, only to find that they were engaged in something else or getting ready for bed.  By their teen years I had figured out that I had to catch them when they were available and let go of the notion that they would accommodate my schedule.
 
It’s mighty difficult to work fifty to sixty hours a week and be there when they need you.   It will mean juggling your schedule to show up for their events and be around enough to have the “talks” that are such an essential part of good parenting.  But it can be done.  Working late?  Text them, e-mail them, or catch them on their cell phone (if you’re lucky they’ll pick up).  Let them know that you’re thinking of them even if you’re not around.  That means tuning into their lives — knowing about their interests (sports, music, websites, etc.) their friends, successes and disappointments. Beware of conversations that are exclusively focused on how they are doing in school.  It’s a sure fire way to end a conversation quickly.  Why not ask them to help you with something?  They can teach you how to use YouTube, download music, or even advise you on the dated clothing you wear!  You’d be surprised to learn what a wonderful icebreaker this is.
         
If you want to talk about the sensitive issues (sex, drugs, etc.) you had better learn to speak comfortably with them first.  Dads often talk the language of facts and avoid the language of feelings because it makes them uncomfortable.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  If you feel bothered by something, think about what it is, and try to express it.  For example, say that you’re worried about Grandma’s health and aren’t sure what to do.  It sends a powerful message to your son:  It’s okay to be afraid sometimes and talk about it. 

Sometimes men get choked up and that’s a sure sign that something is brewing.  It could be as simple as saying goodbye to your son when he’s going away for a few weeks.  Instead of patting him on the shoulder and telling him to take care — squeeze the words out:  I love you and I’ll miss you.  Want more help?  Ask your wife or son to point out when you’re not being honest about your feelings.   

Finally, learn to read between the lines.  If your son tells you that he doesn’t care about his stupid girlfriend anymore, but looks upset, pick up on it.  Tell him, I know how badly you feel and I can remember going through the same thing when I was around your age.  The better you learn to identify your son’s true feelings, the more likely you are to emotionally connect with him.  And that’s essential when you’re trying to keep him out of harm’s way.  So convey warmth, respect, and genuine curiosity — the dividends will pour in when it’s time to talk about the serious stuff.  And guess what, he’ll probably listen to you more often and even come to you for advice when the going gets tough.  How can you go wrong?
 

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Neil Bernstein | 2 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

Why look at risky teen behavior as a communications issue?

Consider this:

• Parents need to teach your teens how to assess and evaluate the myriad messages about teen behavior that are delivered to them daily through mass media.
• Only in an open and effective communication environment will you have regular opportunities to influence and guide your teen.

Here are some quotes and facts:
• One recent-teen in my survey-based report titled PARENTING TEENAGERS: The Agony and the Ecstasy said “Most of the kids I know who are irresponsible about drinking have parents who think they are angels.” You can’t keep your teen safe if you don’t know what s/he is up to.
• The number one deterrent to kids’ substance abuse is parents!
• The more strongly kids know that their parents disapprove of them using drugs and alcohol, the lower the incidence rates among teens. Note it’s not just about parents disapproving of this risky teen behavior, it requires communication so that teens know this is how their parents feel.

You can see good communication is essential in the effort to keep your teens away from alcohol and drug use.

So let’s discuss three ways you can improve the communication between you and your teen. (More…)

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Sue Blaney | 1 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

Let’s talk about our culture.

Parents of teens are afraid. In my survey of over 350 parents of teenagers I heard parents express a degree of fear that’s alarming.  Parents of teens said “I’m afraid my teenager won’t make it out of his/her teens ALIVE!”

We need to look at this closely. One particularly articulate man said:  Most of society seems to be giving a diametrically opposed message to the ones I am giving my kids. The “outside” message, from films and TV and music and the media, seems to be “have sex, drink and take drugs, resort to violence to solve disputes, treat partners badly, and never confide in your parents. Oh, and driving fast is cool too.”

Does he speak for you? Do you feel our culture is teaching your children to engage in behavior that you disagree with? Consider whether you want to accept this or fight it.

Here’s another quote from our survey:  Teenagers have unlimited access to information and communication. I feel like a dog chasing a tail. I feel powerless and totally out of control. I cannot possibly keep up with the constant barrage of messages my teens receive. Of course, this is the backdrop to my constant fear that they will use drugs and engage in unhealthy and unsafe sexual activity. 

How does this mom’s quote make you feel? It worries me. Parents don’t have the luxury to throw up your hands and allow yourselves to be overwhelmed by the culture. And parenting from a place of fear is parenting from a place of weakness.

That’s not good enough. You owe your teens more than that.

If you parent from a place of fear, not only do you deprive your teen of vital support, you are less able to be rational, and to establish and maintain good communication with your teenager… and good communication is the key to your success. When one client of mine realized that fear had been driving her parenting decisions it caused her to engage in some deep reflection about her own behavior. She said “I realized I had been trying to fix my son, only to discover he wasn’t broken.”

Create your own family culture:  Parents, you create a culture in your own family, and in your own home. And the stronger your family culture is, the more able you are to counter the cultural messages that you disagree with that come into your home via myriad modes of communication.

What kind of a culture do you want to promote? Here are some suggestions: (More…)

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Sue Blaney | 1 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

The New York Times published an editorial today Not Winning the War on Drugs that, regardless of how you might feel about the total piece, contains an important message to all of us, especially parents.  It talks extensively about the ongoing struggles of fighting illegal drug supply around the globe and yet does indeed mention (albeit brief and dismissive) the very real progress we’ve made together in reducing the demand for drugs in America over the past several years.  Significant progress, like meth use down over 60 percent and overall teen drug use down 24 percent since 2001.  But tucked away toward the end are the important points to me.  Ones I wish had greater emphasis and prominence.  The conclusion calls for much more effort to curb demand overall, investing more on addiction treatment, emphasizing prevention, and shifting the model to one of a public health concern.  

That’s right where we are here at the Partnership.  We view drug use and childhood drinking as adolescent health issues.  These are behaviors that are preventable, and if use should lead to the brain disease of addiction, one that is treatable.  As adults, we’re talking about the kids in our lives we love and whose health and potential we want to protect.  Obviously, as a nonprofit, non-government organization, the Partnership is dedicated to helping parents have the tools and information they want and need to engage with their kids and also to preventing first time drug use on a broad scale.  But as important is the work we’re doing right this very minute to create new science-based tools to help parents detect and intervene early when drug use and drinking is present as well as to support parents who are travelling a journey with a child through treatment and recovery.  

With our wonderful partners at the Treatment Research Institute in Philadelphia and with input from our Parents Advisory Board, last month we launched “Understanding The Teen Brain” at www.drugfree.org/teenbrain.  Please check it out.  Coming very soon are tools to help parents understand the current (and very different than when we were teens) drug landscape, a general parent toolkit of the essential nuts `n bolts every family can use, and an educational module to help parents make an early intervention if their child has begun to experiment.  We’re also working tirelessly with all of our partners to fulfill our promise to parents who have children in, or in need of, addiction treatment.  We believe passionately we must be advocates for parents, their children and for improving adolescent treatment.  Keep a close eye on us – there are exciting, useful things on the way in the coming months!

As we transition into the July 4th holiday, my best wishes to you and your family.  I’ll leave you with a thought a parent shared with me several times last week, “…touch your children every day, tell them you love them and make certain they know you care.” 

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 1 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine