Some parents believe that one way to prevent their children from binge drinking in college is to allow them to drink in high school. (I guess their thinking is that by letting their teens “practice” drinking in high school, they won’t overdo it when they find themselves on campus — especially if they’re at one of the top party schools, free of parental supervision.)

One way that parents do this is by hosting parties for teens and serving alcohol.

But, a new report from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism challenges the idea that prior experience drinking in high school will prevent teens from going overboard in college.

The article, How NOT to Raise a College Binge Drinker highlights research from the Prevention Research and Methodology Center at Pennsylvania State University that says parents who allow their teens to drink alcohol in high school (More…)

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 5 Comment(s)
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Experts say it’s normal for teens to trick their parents from time to time. In honor of Halloween, we’ve created a guide for parents to do some trickery of their own — all in the name of reducing teen mischief and keeping kids safe, healthy and drug-free.

Check out these 10 tips for tricking and treating your teen on Halloween and beyond.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 0 Comment(s)
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Parents have a big impact on the safety of teen drivers, according to an article in Healthday which highlights two recent studies published in the journal Pediatrics last month.

Parents who set rules and boundaries, and follow up on these rules, seem to raise teens who are better drivers. The first study observed the connection between parenting styles and teen driving behaviors/attitudes, and the second looked at teen behavior based on access to a vehicle.

More than 5,000 teens in grades 9-11 were surveyed and their responses show that teens with authoritative (high support along with rules and monitoring) or authoritarian (low support with rules and monitoring) parents are half as likely to speed. They also wear seatbelts twice as often as teens with uninvolved parents (low support and low rules.)

Compared to teens with uninvolved parents, teens with authoritative parents (More…)

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 3 Comment(s)
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Something I see a lot of in my field is the classic (and fraudulent) tactical mistake parents too often make when disciplining their teens. This tactic takes on features that are Ponzi-like in the realm of parenting, which is why I call this strategy “Ponzi Parenting.”

As I’m sure most of you know, in the financial world, a Ponzi scheme is a scam that aims for short-term gain instead of long-term success, setting off a whole series of bad behaviors. Similarly, “Ponzi Parents” try to please their kids — and make life easier for themselves — in the short term, without worrying about larger, and possibly lifelong, negative consequences.

The main theme of the error is that when parents discipline for the moment and get in the habit of choosing the easy way out, they bank on the short-term gain of pleasing their child and on the hope of avoiding conflict. But keeping children happy doesn’t necessarily mean (More…)

• 	Posted by: Ken Winters, Ph.D. | 1 Comment(s)
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Recently, we had a scary incident occur at school for our 12-year-old son, Adam, that merits sharing.

At the beginning of the school year, Adam’s first year in middle school, he befriended a boy I wasn’t completely comfortable with for various reasons (we’ll call the boy Joe). Adam, a kid with a big heart who befriends just about everyone, genuinely liked Joe and hung out with him. I remained cautious, but allowed him to invite Joe over from time to time. I shared my concern and how I felt about Joe with Adam, but it was hard to argue with my son because he truly liked this child and didn’t have any real reason not to.

Then, months went by and we didn’t see Joe. I asked Adam about it and he said he didn’t feel comfortable around him anymore. I wasn’t about to argue with him since I was uncomfortable around him as well, but felt better knowing Adam could sense something wasn’t right.
(More…)

• 	Posted by: Tara Paterson | 2 Comment(s)
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Doesn’t it seem like we’re getting hit with a lot of bad news these days? Well, here’s some good news to brighten your day: Little Leaguers are in agreement that use of performance-enhancing substances is bad.

Sure, they don’t seem to entirely comprehend the health risks of using steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs. But your 11- and 12-year-old boys do know what has gone on, and they’re very clear that they don’t like it. Many Little Leaguers say that they’re disappointed with their favorite players, and some even call those under scrutiny “cheaters.” But more importantly, these young players are vowing not to let performance-enhancing substances affect their own lives. Baseball leagues across the country are having their players wear “I Won’t Cheat” patches and pledge to remain clean.

But remember, parents, just because your kids are in the know about pop culture doesn’t mean you should let a teachable moment pass you by. Try discussing with your kids not just cheating, but also the physical and emotional toll steroids can have on the body. And be conscious not to be too hard on your kid’s hero - the Little Leaguers mentioned in the article above agreed that the pros “messed up,” but they also believe the players deserve a second chance.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 0 Comment(s)
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I wore a burgundy, floor-length halter dress, gold dangle earrings, jasmine perfume. My date sported a black tux with silver cufflinks and a white shirt. On my wrist a white corsage, my hair in a loose chignon. We had 8pm dinner reservations at Linq, I ordered the blood orange and beet salad.

My prom was six years ago almost to the day and I remember everything. Prom is a big deal. At the time, I did not think it would be, but those memories are very strong (maybe even more so than graduation day). So, I have a few tips for parents who have juniors and seniors getting ready for their big night and want to make it special and safe.

1) Let Them Work Out a Plan — But Make Sure They Actually Have a Plan
Teens are such procrastinators when it comes to corsages, limos, tickets and after-parties. The key here is to let your kids plan it independently so they feel like it is their night, but just make sure they do it early enough and have thought about all the details. This works really well in a list format. Instead of nagging them about it, I would just tell them you saw this list on a website for teens planning proms (a little white lie never hurt anyone) and thought it might help them and leave it on their desk or bulletin board:

(More…)

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 4 Comment(s)
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We’ve known for years that involved and connected fathers raise teenagers who do better in school, have healthier relationships, and stay out of trouble.  Not bad for a job that we all want to do well.  But sometimes things get in the way of becoming the father we want to be.  Our work demands increase, we’re around the house less, and we try to rush our kids to talk to us.  I can remember racing home from the office when my kids were young, only to find that they were engaged in something else or getting ready for bed.  By their teen years I had figured out that I had to catch them when they were available and let go of the notion that they would accommodate my schedule.
 
It’s mighty difficult to work fifty to sixty hours a week and be there when they need you.   It will mean juggling your schedule to show up for their events and be around enough to have the “talks” that are such an essential part of good parenting.  But it can be done.  Working late?  Text them, e-mail them, or catch them on their cell phone (if you’re lucky they’ll pick up).  Let them know that you’re thinking of them even if you’re not around.  That means tuning into their lives — knowing about their interests (sports, music, websites, etc.) their friends, successes and disappointments. Beware of conversations that are exclusively focused on how they are doing in school.  It’s a sure fire way to end a conversation quickly.  Why not ask them to help you with something?  They can teach you how to use YouTube, download music, or even advise you on the dated clothing you wear!  You’d be surprised to learn what a wonderful icebreaker this is.
         
If you want to talk about the sensitive issues (sex, drugs, etc.) you had better learn to speak comfortably with them first.  Dads often talk the language of facts and avoid the language of feelings because it makes them uncomfortable.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  If you feel bothered by something, think about what it is, and try to express it.  For example, say that you’re worried about Grandma’s health and aren’t sure what to do.  It sends a powerful message to your son:  It’s okay to be afraid sometimes and talk about it. 

Sometimes men get choked up and that’s a sure sign that something is brewing.  It could be as simple as saying goodbye to your son when he’s going away for a few weeks.  Instead of patting him on the shoulder and telling him to take care — squeeze the words out:  I love you and I’ll miss you.  Want more help?  Ask your wife or son to point out when you’re not being honest about your feelings.   

Finally, learn to read between the lines.  If your son tells you that he doesn’t care about his stupid girlfriend anymore, but looks upset, pick up on it.  Tell him, I know how badly you feel and I can remember going through the same thing when I was around your age.  The better you learn to identify your son’s true feelings, the more likely you are to emotionally connect with him.  And that’s essential when you’re trying to keep him out of harm’s way.  So convey warmth, respect, and genuine curiosity — the dividends will pour in when it’s time to talk about the serious stuff.  And guess what, he’ll probably listen to you more often and even come to you for advice when the going gets tough.  How can you go wrong?
 

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Neil Bernstein | 2 Comment(s)
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Why look at risky teen behavior as a communications issue?

Consider this:

• Parents need to teach your teens how to assess and evaluate the myriad messages about teen behavior that are delivered to them daily through mass media.
• Only in an open and effective communication environment will you have regular opportunities to influence and guide your teen.

Here are some quotes and facts:
• One recent-teen in my survey-based report titled PARENTING TEENAGERS: The Agony and the Ecstasy said “Most of the kids I know who are irresponsible about drinking have parents who think they are angels.” You can’t keep your teen safe if you don’t know what s/he is up to.
• The number one deterrent to kids’ substance abuse is parents!
• The more strongly kids know that their parents disapprove of them using drugs and alcohol, the lower the incidence rates among teens. Note it’s not just about parents disapproving of this risky teen behavior, it requires communication so that teens know this is how their parents feel.

You can see good communication is essential in the effort to keep your teens away from alcohol and drug use.

So let’s discuss three ways you can improve the communication between you and your teen. (More…)

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Sue Blaney | 1 Comment(s)
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