My brother and I secretly bought uncensored Dr. Dre albums in high school and played them whenever my parents were not home.  We also had an elaborate system to hide, but keep readily accessible, our Eminem CDs (we liked rap). While thinking about this minor form of rebellion,  I couldn’t help but wonder:

…if I rebelled by listening to Eminem, how will Eminem’s daughter rebel…by listening to Christian music?

This line of thought made me realize a few things about teen rebellion:

1) It’s Never Relative

You often hear:

“My friends do soooo much worse!”

“You should see most other kids my age!”

“Your sister never did this!”

Honestly, rebellion is never relative.  And often times, people are hypocritical about it.  Sometimes I hear parents who tell their kids, “You need to act like your sister,” but then also demand that “just because your friends do it, does not mean you should do it, too.”  Whether you are going through your own child’s rebellion, looking back or looking ahead, it is important to understand that comparing your child to “the average kid,” a sibling or a friend almost never helps, and will probably just cause everyone more frustration. (More…)

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 4 Comment(s)
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In the past 6 months, we have gotten about 20 to 30 emails from young people as well as parents reporting that shoplifting is a major concern.  Here are some thoughts from my research as well as our teen trendsetter network.

Ideas on Shoplifting:

1) Shoplifting Is Old
Shoplifting has always been a problem among young people.  I think that perhaps we are now seeing more of a problem, but parents and adults who think that this has not been an issue for every generation are mistaken.  Shoplifting is an old problem; it is just dressed a little differently…

2) What is Shoplifted is Different…
I asked my teen trendsetter group about this trend. They said that what is mainly different about shoplifting today is that what’s stolen is no longer just gum and snacks.  Today, it is iTunes gift cards and Red Bull.

Top 5 Things Teens Shoplift:
iTunes Cards
Red Bull
Snacks
Candy
Magazines

3) Alcohol and Cigarettes
These did not make the top 5, but were towards the top.  Many teens, when asked, do not consider stealing alcohol shoplifting.  In fact, one of my teen advisors says, “Stealing alcohol is like a rite of passage.  You do it to grow up.  Plus, we practically deserve to get alcohol for free because we CAN’T buy it.  I would buy it if they would let me.  I steal it because they will not let me buy it.”

(More…)

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 5 Comment(s)
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As many of you are well aware, it’s not always easy for us parents to connect with our teenagers. They can be moody. They can be withdrawn. They can turn on the tight-lipped, arms-crossed, eye-roll, leave-me-alone posture with incredible ease. So how can we break through this teenage angst and get them to open up?

Parenting expert Marybeth Hicks suggests listening to what’s on their iPod. “You have to know some of the songs,” she says. “And sometimes you have to go to lyrics.com to learn the words because you can’t quite understand them.”

My youngest teen, as it turns out, is really into the band Airborne Toxic Event. She was kind enough to share her iPod playlist with me recently on the way to a soccer game. “Papillon,” the second track on their latest album, was interesting…

All dressed up, no place to run
No car, no girl, no pills, no fun
Nothing to do in this empty room
I gotta get my head together soon
Alone again, no fans, no friends
You call me up at half past ten
And say “How are you holding up my friend?
Are you sitting around getting drunk again?”

Pills? Getting drunk? No friends? Depressing, for sure. And not exactly the kind of thoughts I want swirling around my 15-year-old’s brain.

“Pause,” I said. “What’s up with these lyrics?”

“Dad, it’s new music, it’s just a song, get with it.”

I took the opportunity to probe a little further about the band, where they were from, and the meaning of their name — which got her talking. Then I made a point of suggesting she not aspire to the theme of those lyrics. Eyes rolled, but I made my point. Hey, it’s a process.

What about you? What are your teens listening to? Have you looked up the lyrics and asked them about it? What did they say?

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 8 Comment(s)
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Gas prices are bad enough. But there’s another thing that makes our family car trips annoying. 

It’s not my wife, LaVeta. She just wants to be chauffeured. My 6-year-old daughter, Eve, occupies herself with mirrors and play makeup. Sixteen-year-old Adrianne dons her iPod while texting at a mind-numbing pace.   

Four-year-old Little Solomon? Between bouts of hitting his sister, he has this aggravating habit of asking us to play RUN-DMC.

I guess I should be grateful. Most RUN-DMC lyrics are pretty tame. 

“I’m the king of rock / There is none higher / Sucker MC’s / Should call me sire / To burn my kingdom you must use fire / I won’t stop rockin’ ‘til I retire.”

Great song. Problem is, Little Solomon has been asking us to play it every day since 2006. Factor in the getting-on-my-nerves element, and it seems we’ve heard it, oh, about 500,000 times.

In an effort to stave off insanity, we’ve begun playing the radio instead. And since we can’t afford satellite radio, most of the songs aren’t for kids. That is, unless you want your pre-kindergartener hearing stuff like:

“Smack it up, flip it, rub it down, oh no!”

Oh no is right. Between the suggestive lyrics and the E.D. commercials, we often find ourselves playing Name That Tune.

Me: “I can name a Beyonce song in three notes.”

LaVeta: “I can name it in two!”

Me: “Name that tune!”

The last time LaVeta and I raced to change the station before the kids could hear some suggestive little tidbit, it hit me. Parenting is very much like playing a game show.

But as a parent, you don’t play just one game show. You play them all.

When Eve is performing a Mary Poppins number for the 40th time, I end up wishing I could morph into Chuck Barris from The Gong Show, and banish her from the stage.

When Little Solomon is crawling under Eve’s chair as she’s eating Cheerios, I imagine he’s a contestant on Survivor. Our carpet is the jungle, the soggy Cheerios are the worms he must eat, and LaVeta and I are the nearby production team that will make sure he lives through it all. 

Sometimes game show parenting is actually fun. Like when we play Family Feud.  

Me: “How many days this week has daddy eaten junk when he wasn’t supposed to?”

Eve hits her buzzer and says, “One!”

Me: “Survey says … seven!” 

The possibilities are endless. Spinning the Wheel of Fortune to see who stays up late, opening the closet door and having them jump in to play Hole In The Wall. Having them answer astrophysics questions like they’re on Jeopardy.

All of that is intriguing, of course. But all I really want to do is let them be kids. I’ve started by censoring the radio. In a world where almost everything glorifies booze, drugs or sex, I wonder what I’ll have to turn off next.    

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Solomon Jones | 0 Comment(s)
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