Just read this fantastic guest blog on Lisa Belkin’s Motherlode (New York Times). This brave mother, Janice Lynch Schuster, has two teens currently battling what she figuratively refers to as a “big black snake” – or, as it is more commonly known, drug and alcohol addiction. I’m sure that most parents who have watched their children struggle with a drug problem would agree that Schuster is right on target when she compares addiction to a scary – and possibly deadly –snake.

Facing her children’s drug problems, she writes, used to paralyze her. Even when she wanted to confront the monster, she was reduced to ineffectively yelling, taking away things that her kids could just get more of, and convincing herself that drug use was simply a rite of passage for teens. But luckily, Schuster finally got strong enough to intervene and get help for both her addicted children. Here’s a great quote from the post:

“I insisted that first one child and then another be admitted to a substance-abuse recovery program, a residential program that specializes in treating children, like mine, who are alcoholics and drug addicts. Just writing that is painful and foreign; it is as difficult as speaking in the snake’s tongue. The language of addiction is full of loss — lost opportunities, lost lives, lost potential, lost families, lost time. Now both children are in what is called recovery — they have been clean and sober, one for about eight weeks and the other for scarcely more than two.”

For those of you who can relate to Schuster’s story, I highly encourage you to check out Intervene, our newly launched blog here at the Partnership. We’re so proud of Intervene because it’s more than just a website – it’s a supportive community of parents and caring adults concerned about a beloved teen or young adult’s drug use. Right now, we have some very inspiring guest bloggers posting, including two authors with new books out and one wonderful woman who has been running marathons all over the world to raise funds and awareness for drug addiction and treatment.

And remember, you can also visit our website TimeToAct if you suspect or know your teenager is using drugs. TimeToAct has tips on how to initiate a conversation and get your child help.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 2 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

Recently, we had a scary incident occur at school for our 12-year-old son, Adam, that merits sharing.

At the beginning of the school year, Adam’s first year in middle school, he befriended a boy I wasn’t completely comfortable with for various reasons (we’ll call the boy Joe). Adam, a kid with a big heart who befriends just about everyone, genuinely liked Joe and hung out with him. I remained cautious, but allowed him to invite Joe over from time to time. I shared my concern and how I felt about Joe with Adam, but it was hard to argue with my son because he truly liked this child and didn’t have any real reason not to.

Then, months went by and we didn’t see Joe. I asked Adam about it and he said he didn’t feel comfortable around him anymore. I wasn’t about to argue with him since I was uncomfortable around him as well, but felt better knowing Adam could sense something wasn’t right.
(More…)

• 	Posted by: Tara Paterson | 2 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

One kid is too many, but an astounding 12 percent of American kids (8.3 million) live with at least one parent who is addicted.  Researchers working with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) found that approximately 7.3 million children lived with a parent who was dependent on or abused alcohol, and 2.1 million children lived with a parent who was dependent on or abused illicit drugs.

Their report, Findings for Children Living with Substance-Dependent or Substance-Abusing Parents, looked into the lives of children ages 12-18 between 2002 to 2007.

Speaking about the impact of this fact on young lives, Eric Broderick who is the acting director of SAMSHA put it this way, ”The chronic emotional stress in such an environment can damage their social and emotional development and permanently impede healthy brain development, often resulting in mental and physical health problems across the lifespan. This underlines the importance of preventive interventions at the earliest possible age.”

If you have someone in your life who struggling with substance abuse, please take action.  If they have a family, realize that you’re not only helping the person with a potential addiction, you’re helping the lives and futures of their children for the better.  If you need more information, start on the intervention portion of our site. 

Our full suite of support, tools and tips from experts and parents also includes a link to our Time To Act program if you think or know your child might be experimenting or using alcohol and drugs.

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 1 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

A few weeks ago, my kids were home from school for a snow day and joined some others on the hill behind our house to sled.  About noon, my phone rang. The woman on the other end proceeded to tell me how my son had been using terrible language that morning; saying things that an 11 year old shouldn’t — horrifying things that her 9-year-old daughter had never heard before. 

This mother had little trouble repeating outright the exact swear words that were allegedly said (one was a line from a movie my son had just seen); and then added, “he asked my daughter if she knew what a virgin was!” She continued to attack my son — and demanded to know what I was going to do about it.

At this point, my blood pressure was rising fast.  But I remained calm and told her, “I will take care of it.” 

I hung up and went searching for my son.  I was noticeably upset, near tears.  Several thoughts swirled through my mind as I thought about how we don’t say things like that in our house; how we’re so careful about what they are exposed to; and how I am the author of a parenting book coming out in a few months — how can this be happening? 

My son had a friend with him who I immediately sent home. Then I went to my room to ponder what to do next.  I was disappointed, hurt and embarrassed — my ego was getting the best of me.  I recalled some of my parent coach studies which shed light on how we care too much about what other people think, how we take their opinion to heart when they reference our method of parenting, and how we immediately believe adults over our own children.  This gave me some strength to have a conversation and I calmly returned to my son.

By now he was in tears and eager to tell me what happened.  At first I wasn’t convinced he was being truthful, because I knew he repeated the line from the movie, but when he told me the whole story I intuitively knew he wasn’t lying. 

He explained how his friend who had been with him said most of the words in question, including the virgin inquiry.  My son admitted he did repeat the line from the movie, but in the context of the movie not in an inappropriate manner and not to the other kids.  He went on to tell me that the stuff coming out of this woman’s daughter’s mouth was far worse than anything they said — which was later confirmed by my younger son.

My son was especially upset that he had been accused of saying things he didn’t say so this is where I tried to turn the situation into a learning experience: 

“This is where “guilt by association” gets you into trouble,” I explained.

“But it’s not fair,” he pleaded.  “I didn’t say those things.”

“I understand, but they know who you are and you’re the name they know.”

“Well that’s stupid.  That’s judging a book by its cover.” 

And I have to agree.

In my mind there are two approaches you can take with your kids.  You can teach them to be accountable for their actions and talk with them openly and honestly about whatever the situation is. Or you can point the finger without having all of the facts.  Unfortunately, a lot of parents choose the latter.

Whether we want to admit it or not, our children will do and say things we don’t approve of when they’re with their friends.  Whether they are trying to sound cool, reciting a provocative line from a movie, or trying to impress older kids to fit in, they are prone to acting differently than the way we’ve taught them to behave. 

I have been a witness to many instances where kids have said and done things their parents would never have believed their child would do.  Don’t be fooled into thinking your child isn’t one of those kids, because as the old saying goes — kids will be kids.

• 	Posted by: Tara Paterson | 4 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine

It’s occurred to me lately that my 3-year-old son has developed a somewhat alarmingly unhealthy relationship with cherry-flavored children’s Tylenol. He asks for it when his nose is stuffy or when he has a sore throat. Other times he will claim that more unusual body parts are giving him trouble. His bellybutton say, or occasionally his hair. I’ve always just chalked it up to the fact that he loves the flavor, a sickeningly sweet concoction containing enough sugar and brilliant red dye to send any child into momentary raptures of hyperactive joy. 

Lately, however, I’ve become a bit concerned because his preoccupation with treating ailments with medications has begun to expand beyond the aforementioned red goop. If I complain that I have a headache, he’ll immediately ask if I plan to take something for it. When his back was itching the other night, he called out from his bed to ask if I had any medicine that would “scratch it” for him. It’s obvious that he’s already made a strong connection between physical ailments and chemical solutions and what’s even more upsetting to me, is tha this is completely my fault.

I’ve been clean and sober for eight years now but I’m the first to admit that even though I haven’t ingested anything stronger than Benadryl in all that time, I still have the mind of an addict. If something hurts, I take something. I’ve never fooled myself about this and there are times when I pop an Advil, that I am perfectly aware that my reasons for doing it are just as much psychological as they are physical. I never dwelled on it much, however, as I always figured that in terms of important issues to deal with, I had bigger fish to fry. If it makes me feel better to take an antihistamine after a couple sneezes, well it’s certainly the lesser of a bazillion other lurking evils.

Now that I’m pregnant and the only medicine remaining on the shelf is a bottle of Tylenol (which trust me, I have not neglected), this dependence has become even more glaringly obvious to me. Last month I had a nasty cold and spent many a waking hour lamenting the lack of Alka-Seltzer Cold Plus in my life. The crazy thing being, that even as I pined for the fizzy remedy, I admitted to myself that it had never really helped that much to begin with. I just wanted to take something.

It is now clear to me that my son has noticed this and that my attitude toward medicine is making a quick descent down the branches of the family tree. I realized the other day that although I’m always quick to appear with the noxious red syrup and a teaspoon at the first sign of any complaint on his part, I have never really sat down and talked with him about the purposes of medicine, and that while it can be very helpful, it can also be very harmful. I suppose that I always thought he was still too young but now I’m not so sure. I freak out if a man sits down next to us at the bus stop while smoking a cigarette but don’t think twice about running to the medicine cabinet at the first sign of a stuffy nose (and this, despite the fact that I’m well aware that there is not even any real evidence to show that these medicines work in young children). Something’s wrong with this picture.

Despite the fact that there are plenty of guidelines about how to talk to young children about smoking, drinking and illegal drugs, there is very little information out there about how to talk to young children about OTC (over-the-counter) medications. I find this surprising as it seems doubly important to talk to them about the substances that they see and are in some cases, already ingesting on a regular basis.

This is especially crucial in light of the fact that adolescent abuse of both prescription and OTC medications (such as cough syrup) has been on the rise in recent years. What’s more, studies show that although more parents are discussing the risks of alcohol and illegal drugs, for the most part, they are still not talking about the very real dangers of OTC and prescription drug abuse.

My son is only 3 but it is now clear to me that I am setting a dangerous precedent for him and that something needs to change in my whole approach towards medication. Any suggestions are welcome!

• 	Posted by: Johanna Bailey | 11 Comment(s)
  	Share this : del.icio.us |  Digg |  Facebook  |  Newsvine