One of the questions that comes up time and again is how do we safeguard our children from being exposed to drugs and pro drug use content on the Internet? 

Most parents are already attuned to risks on the web like online predators and sexual content. Increasingly, sites that promote illicit drug use — actually explaining which drugs to use and how to do it — are coming to the attention of parents as their children are exposed.  What’s more, rogue online pharmacies and their e-mail spam promote painkillers and other drugs to teens with “no prescription needed” while blogs and teen content portray drug and alcohol abuse as no big deal.

Our colleagues at the Treatment Research Institute in Philadelphia have been studying the growth of these sites.  They came away so worried about the scale and scope that they’ve invited us to partner with them and an Internet developer to launch a new online platform called WebSafe Parent available at www.websafeparent.com

WebSafe will be an online community educating adults about this content and how their children are exposed to it.  WebSafe will also provide Community Alerts that regularly notify registered “WebSafe Parents” about new and potentially harmful websites and other threats.  Parents who want to go a step further can purchase state-of-the-art software that can monitor and control how long, when and what sites children are visiting — and even block children from giving out personal information.  Longer term, members will be invited to join local “WebSafe Communities” where they can exchange information about threats with other adults in their area.

This is an increasingly digital world where teens surf freely and much of the time profit greatly from the experience.  Our goal through this latest partnership is to enlighten and empower parents to protect their kids when they get into situations that can ultimately prove dangerous.  It’s also a prime opportunity to remind parents and caregivers of the immense power and influence you have to help your kids make the right choices for themselves!

What are your thoughts on the content kids are exposed to on the web?  Do you think your kids have discovered pro drug, sexual or other content?

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 3 Comment(s)
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We all lie.  For parents, it is important to tell if their teens are lying.  After watching and interacting with thousands of teens, parents and families, I’ve compiled a list of clues for adults, teachers and parents to look out for:

(Disclaimer: the following is list of observations and does not always mean that the person you are speaking with is lying)

Verbal Cues
* Timing is off between gestures and words.  The facial expression that comes after a statement (I am so sad about this, pause and then the sad expression)
* Less full facial expression when talking.
* Out of proportion reaction.
* Responds to questions, yet asks none of their own.
* When the subject is changed there is physical and emotional relief that you can see in the teen.

Body Language
* Less physical expression and movement.  Stiffness or mechanical movement.
* The teen takes up less physical space (shrinking down in order not to be caught).
* Their hand may go up to his face or throat, especially to the mouth.
* They turn their body away from the adult or person they are lying to.
* Playing with physical objects or actually placing a physical object in between the two of you as a type of barrier.

Verbal Content
* Responding to an accusation by offering a belief in general instead of this specific instance (ie Do you smoke pot? -I believe pot is dangerous.)
* Constantly adding additional details until you believe them and to fill silences.
* They use such phrases as “To tell you the truth”  “To be perfectly honest”  and “Why would I lie to you?”
* The answer is very specific, almost rehearsed about a ‘casual event’
* They repeat your question.

To Catch A Lie
* Use an open-ended question that is not accusatory but alludes to a possible behavior: “Anything interesting happen at the party last night?”

* Ask their opinion on a similar example:  “I would love your opinion on this.  A friend of mine from college, recently found a lighter and some rolling papers in their child’s jeans.  She is not sure how to approach it or if the papers were used for cigarettes or pot.  What should she do?”

Lying is a very natural, yet dangerous occurrence.  Unfortunately it is part of growing up, but parents need to be aware of teens lying habits to keep them safe.  I share these tips and hope they will be used in the right circumstance.

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 2 Comment(s)
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Last night I tried to teach my mom (love you!) how to download a song onto her iPod.  It was a nightmare.  Not just because I had to explain the concept of an iPod (and of downloading — at least music she understood), but also because of her fear and self-doubt that came along with it. Because I am a professional blogger, I teach people and companies about the Internet, technology and social networking all the time.  I have come to realize that sometimes grown-ups are virtual kids and kids are virtual grown-ups!

Why I Think Adults are Virtually Immature and Kids are Virtually Grown-Up:

1) Learning to use a social network, such as Facebook, is like learning to ride a bike. If you learn it as a child, you are fearless, you try everything, it comes naturally and you have time to practice.  But if you learn as an adult (I am still trying to learn how to ride a bike, so I know), it is scary.  You think about how much it would hurt to fall, you do not practice as much, you feel stupid, you cannot get the gist of it as fast, and even when you do get going, you still feel nervous.  With social networking, kids go through the learning process early and some are virtually grown-up by age 12!

2) Adults often have more fears than kids. Sure, tweens and teens could probably afford to use more caution, especially when it comes to the web, but the part of their brains that would make them worry about consequences hasn’t fully developed yet.  Meanwhile, many adults I teach are too afraid of everything technological — pushing the wrong button, breaking something, or feeling “dumb,” “stupid,” or “pathetic” if they cannot get something right.  Adults who are virtual kids have a lot of fear and kids who are virtual grown-ups are secure with their online selves.

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• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 0 Comment(s)
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Something I see a lot of in my field is the classic (and fraudulent) tactical mistake parents too often make when disciplining their teens. This tactic takes on features that are Ponzi-like in the realm of parenting, which is why I call this strategy “Ponzi Parenting.”

As I’m sure most of you know, in the financial world, a Ponzi scheme is a scam that aims for short-term gain instead of long-term success, setting off a whole series of bad behaviors. Similarly, “Ponzi Parents” try to please their kids — and make life easier for themselves — in the short term, without worrying about larger, and possibly lifelong, negative consequences. 

The main theme of the error is that when parents discipline for the moment and get in the habit of choosing the easy way out, they bank on the short-term gain of pleasing their child and on the hope of avoiding conflict. But keeping children happy doesn’t necessarily mean keeping them safe — and teens in particular, with their crazy hormones and developing brains, need their parents to watch out for their health and wellness. Many parents falsely assume that somewhere down the road, their children will learn hard life lessons on their own, outside the home.

But this short-sided approach eventually sets a bad precedent; it enables children to manipulate their parents, and more importantly, it ultimately hurts children’s long-term development.  As a parent, you are in the best position to teach important, life-lessons to your children!

So what’s an example of Ponzi Parenting? Let’s go with enforcing (or not enforcing) curfew. Let’s say you have a teen, and her curfew is 10 pm. That said, she never actually gets home at 10, but when you try to bring that up, she yells, whines and tells you, “You’re so unfair; you treat me like a little baby!” You decide that enforcing her curfew is not worth the headache, and let her stay out as late as she wants. But when your teen is out past 10, she encounters problems that put her safety at risk — for instance, a friend who’s supposed to drive her home from a party drinking too much alcohol. 

Limits and consequences, I will admit, are certainly not “fun” for anyone. I can’t name any teenager who likes having a curfew, or any parent that enjoys listening to his kid cry — or throw a fit —after a cell phone, car or other fun privilege has been taken away. But when you do away with rules and Ponzi Parent, you teach your kid that bad behavior has no negative results, which simply isn’t true.

And as a parent, you should never fall into the Ponzi Parenting trap when it comes to the issue of drugs and your child. I can’t stress this enough. If your teen tries drugs or alcohol, you must take action immediately, and not wait for him to figure out the dangers of substance use on his own. Set a rule that your kid is not allowed to smoke anything, and actually do something if he comes home from a friend’s house red-eyed and reeking of pot. Missing the next get-together will no doubt make your teen upset, but it will also make him think twice the next time he’s offered a joint!

Want to know the one good thing about Ponzi Parenting? Unlike a real Ponzi scheme, you can get out of old patterns and start fresh any day you choose. Raising kids is a learning process — even if you’re guilty of Ponzi-parenting today, it doesn’t mean that you can’t discuss some limits and possible consequences with your teen tomorrow. And hey, unlike Bernie Madoff, admitting your mistakes is not going to land you in prison, and it may actually help (and amuse!) your child.

• 	Posted by: Ken Winters, Ph.D. | 1 Comment(s)
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Just read mommy blogger Lisa Belkin’s article in the New York Times Magazine entitled “Let the Kid Be.”

Let the kid be? What does this mean exactly?

Here at the Partnership, we believe in creating and maintaining a strong bond with one’s teen. Parents need to stay involved, keep an ongoing dialogue with their kids, and know their whereabouts, their friends, their school habits and their online activities.

But Belkin brings up some good food for thought – at what point does concerned, involved parenting actually become helicopter parenting (or “I-am-never-going-to-let-my-kid-out-of-my-sight parenting,” as Belkin jokingly calls it)?

Maybe, as this article suggests, just “chilling” is the smartest thing we can do as moms and dads. We’ll be less stressed and fearful of parental failure, our kids will feel less stifled, and we may even save some cash in these tight economic times. But, on the other hand – can you really ever be over-involved as a parent? After all, it’s our job (and our instinct) to help and protect our kids.

What do you think? When does protecting become overprotecting? Where do you draw the line between good parenting and helicopter parenting – or do you not draw a line at all?

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 3 Comment(s)
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A new service from Google may help parents monitor their kids.

“With an upgrade to its mobile maps, Google Inc. hopes to prove it can track people on the go as effectively as it searches for information on the Internet.The new software to be released Wednesday will enable people with mobile phones and other wireless devices to automatically share their whereabouts with family and friends.
The feature, dubbed ‘Latitude,’ expands upon a tool introduced in 2007 to allow mobile phone users to check their own location on a Google map with the press of a button. ‘This adds a social flavor to Google maps and makes it more fun,’ said Steve Lee, a Google product manager.”

More from Yahoo Tech.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 0 Comment(s)
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I was absolutely floored last week when my son mentioned he’d given out his cell phone number on the internet. We’d recently had the conversation about the dangers lurking on the web when I presented a program on internet safety to our middle school — so my brain couldn’t wrap itself around the fact that he blatantly went against the number one rule in our house for using the internet: NO PERSONAL INFORMATION is to be given out for ANY reason!

I was furious. I raised my voice in a manner reserved for serious offenses and felt panic well up inside my body.  What would have possessed him to be so careless?  What part of “grooming” (a term we’d discussed) did he not understand? (Grooming is when a predator will pretend to be whatever sex or age he needs to be in order to lure a child into trusting him so the child will reveal personal information.)  I took a deep breath and sat my son down for a long talk about how serious this situation could be.

This time, I was very specific about what can happen when personal information is revealed to someone he doesn’t know.  He was in a popular game room for younger children and told me he knew this person was a girl his age from England.  I asked him, “How do you know she is from England?”

“She told me she is.  She gave me her phone number too.”

“You didn’t call or text her, did you?”

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• 	Posted by: Tara Paterson | 3 Comment(s)
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Earlier this week, the Partnership released a survey with MetLife Foundation showing that one in four teens would prefer to talk to their parents about drugs and alcohol by using email or their cell phones. Meantime, only three percent of parents want to discuss these subjects by cell or email. I don’t blame them — this is an important issue, and if we’re having anything other than in-person discussions about it, we miss out on that gratifying flicker of recognition that crosses our teens’ faces (after they cross their arms and roll their eyes) that lets us know they hear us, that we’ve made contact.

Nonetheless, the study makes an important point — our teens are part of “Generation Text,” and if we don’t get on board with these up-to-the-minute forms of keeping in touch, we may miss out on everyday opportunities to connect with our kids. While nothing takes the place of a face-to-face update — even if it’s for two minutes as your kid scarfs down an Eggo and runs to school. If you’ve had a tough time talking about drugs and alcohol, sending a text or an email may help break the ice and open the door for a future chat. And if your teen feels more comfortable emailing you about what goes on at school parties or what his friends are up to, be grateful he’s confiding in you, and keep up your end of the email exchange until he’s ready to talk.

Do you email or text with your kids? Do you find it’s helped to break the ice on tough subjects?

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 4 Comment(s)
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I’ve noticed a bit of a trend over the past several months.  In talking with parents, and especially folks in the news media who are parents, they seem to be more and more attuned to issues like online predators and sexual content on the web that place their kids at risk.  They also see all the spam their own in-boxes hawking prescription drugs online.  They know talking with their kids about all this is important.

When I raise the issue of also guarding against their kids being exposed to online drug content, pro-drug use websites and literally instructive “how to” videos on binge drinking and drug use that popping up across the net, there is a level of disbelief that’s remarkable.  Sex they know. Bad guys they get.  Yet the idea that there are people out there promoting drug abuse to their kids, showing them how in exacting detail, celebrating being wrecked, just seems a degree too far out.   “That CAN’T be possible!”  “That CAN’T be legal?”  “WHO would be that stupid?” Sorry…

Nielsen Online recently did a study that looked at video streams viewed online by a sample of 13 to 18 year olds across the country.  In June 2008 alone, nearly one million teens viewed online videos promoting alcohol and drug use.  The folks at the Center for Substance Abuse Research at the University of Maryland sum up the data this way, “Of the 1.2 million substance-related videos viewed by teens, 39% portrayed explicit use of alcohol or other drugs and/or intoxication. In addition, the majority (85%) of these videos had comments posted that promoted substance use. The survey also found that more than one-third (35%) of viewers of all substance-related videos were younger than 16, and females were more likely than males to watch these videos (57% vs. 43%).”

So, as a parent or caring adult, what do we do?  We have to realize that for all of the greatness and richness brought to our lives via the web, there is also the potential for harm.  Practical tips include:  1) Be clear and consistent with your kids about what online content is out of bounds.  2) Be familiar with the digital devices and web tools your kids use.  3) Keep computers in common areas of your home — family room or other central location — and limit the time your kids spend online.  4) Visit your teen’s personal blog, web site, favorite social networking sites or other postings.  5) Pay attention to the history, cookies and other tracking on your computer.

These are by no means all of the potential courses a parent can take, but the essential fact is that your child can be and is exposed to an extraordinary volume of pro-drinking, pro-drugging content on the web.  Monitoring your child plays a key role.  We need to both know and accept this is happening right now. With that knowledge we can each begin to take our own steps to safeguard our children.

What are your tips for protecting kids from dangerous online content?

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 3 Comment(s)
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