Last night I tried to teach my mom (love you!) how to download a song onto her iPod.  It was a nightmare.  Not just because I had to explain the concept of an iPod (and of downloading — at least music she understood), but also because of her fear and self-doubt that came along with it. Because I am a professional blogger, I teach people and companies about the Internet, technology and social networking all the time.  I have come to realize that sometimes grown-ups are virtual kids and kids are virtual grown-ups!

Why I Think Adults are Virtually Immature and Kids are Virtually Grown-Up:

1) Learning to use a social network, such as Facebook, is like learning to ride a bike. If you learn it as a child, you are fearless, you try everything, it comes naturally and you have time to practice.  But if you learn as an adult (I am still trying to learn how to ride a bike, so I know), it is scary.  (More…)

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 0 Comment(s)
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As a father of two teens, I know it’s impossible to shield our kids from messages that promote underage drinking. That said, it’s always nice to be given a heads-up so we know just who and what in pop culture may be negatively influencing our kids – and right now in particular, I think you’ll be surprised to find out some of the sources sending pro-drinking messages to our teenagers. Here’s a quick round-up of where our kids have been seeing and hearing “cool” alcohol-related messages lately:

Tweens and younger teens: The latest Harry Potter movie. If you think I’m kidding, check out this article from the New York Times, which cites a number of scenes in which our favorite young wizards, only about 16, drink “butterbeer” and appear to get drunk.

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• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 6 Comment(s)
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Just read this fantastic guest blog on Lisa Belkin’s Motherlode (New York Times). This brave mother, Janice Lynch Schuster, has two teens currently battling what she figuratively refers to as a “big black snake” – or, as it is more commonly known, drug and alcohol addiction. I’m sure that most parents who have watched their children struggle with a drug problem would agree that Schuster is right on target when she compares addiction to a scary – and possibly deadly –snake.

Facing her children’s drug problems, she writes, used to paralyze her. Even when she wanted to confront the monster, she was reduced to ineffectively yelling, taking away things that her kids could just get more of, and convincing herself that drug use was simply a rite of passage for teens. But luckily, Schuster finally got strong enough to intervene and get help for both her addicted children. Here’s a great quote from the post:

“I insisted that first one child and then another be admitted to a substance-abuse recovery program, a residential program that specializes in treating children, like mine, who are alcoholics and drug addicts. Just writing that is painful and foreign; it is as difficult as speaking in the snake’s tongue. The language of addiction is full of loss — lost opportunities, lost lives, lost potential, lost families, lost time. Now both children are in what is called recovery — they have been clean and sober, one for about eight weeks and the other for scarcely more than two.”

For those of you who can relate to Schuster’s story, I highly encourage you to check out Intervene, our newly launched blog here at the Partnership. We’re so proud of Intervene because it’s more than just a website – it’s a supportive community of parents and caring adults concerned about a beloved teen or young adult’s drug use. Right now, we have some very inspiring guest bloggers posting, including two authors with new books out and one wonderful woman who has been running marathons all over the world to raise funds and awareness for drug addiction and treatment.

And remember, you can also visit our website TimeToAct if you suspect or know your teenager is using drugs. TimeToAct has tips on how to initiate a conversation and get your child help.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 2 Comment(s)
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In the past 6 months, we have gotten about 20 to 30 emails from young people as well as parents reporting that shoplifting is a major concern.  Here are some thoughts from my research as well as our teen trendsetter network.

Ideas on Shoplifting:

1) Shoplifting Is Old
Shoplifting has always been a problem among young people.  I think that perhaps we are now seeing more of a problem, but parents and adults who think that this has not been an issue for every generation are mistaken.  Shoplifting is an old problem; it is just dressed a little differently…

2) What is Shoplifted is Different…
I asked my teen trendsetter group about this trend. They said that what is mainly different about shoplifting today is that what’s stolen is no longer just gum and snacks.  Today, it is iTunes gift cards and Red Bull.

Top 5 Things Teens Shoplift:
iTunes Cards
Red Bull
Snacks
Candy
Magazines

3) Alcohol and Cigarettes
These did not make the top 5, but were towards the top.  Many teens, when asked, do not consider stealing alcohol shoplifting.  In fact, one of my teen advisors says, “Stealing alcohol is like a rite of passage.  You do it to grow up.  Plus, we practically deserve to get alcohol for free because we CAN’T buy it.  I would buy it if they would let me.  I steal it because they will not let me buy it.”

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• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 5 Comment(s)
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Michael Hausauer, a psychotherapist in Oakland, Calif., said teenagers had a “terrific interest in knowing what’s going on in the lives of their peers, coupled with a terrific anxiety about being out of the loop.” For that reason, he said, the rapid rise in texting has potential for great benefit and great harm.

Here’s the article from the New York Times.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 1 Comment(s)
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Sexting, the act of sending suggestive electronic text and/or picture messages, is something parents must be aware of – and talk to their kids about.   If your child has a cell phone and is 10 or above, you need to have this conversation with them.  Check out the facts below — and the related links – for facts and tips on talking:

How many young adults are sending or posting nude or semi-nude images of themselves?
33% of young adults overall
36% of young adult women
31% of young adult men

How many teens say they have sent/posted nude or semi-nude pictures or video of themselves?
20% of teens overall
22% of teen girls
18% of teen boys
11% of young teen girls (ages 13-16)

Sexually suggestive messages (text, email, IM) are even more prevalent than sexually suggestive images. How many teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages?
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• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 0 Comment(s)
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I hope Decoder readers will enjoy this article which playfully shows how the internet generation has turned online for every need.  Do you recognize this phenomenon in yourself or your teenager?

Are websites the new “it” teen best friend?  I talk to hundreds of teens everyday and I started to notice a disturbing trend:  teens talk about their favorite websites like they talk about their best friends — or instead of their best friends.

I have written about how the digital age has changed the friendonomics for young people.  I worry that Cotton Candy friends will permeate the space until teens will either be so lonely that they will reach into real life again, or they will just turn elsewhere (like to websites.) As friendships become all about twittering what I ate for breakfast and who poked who on Facebook, where is the genuine personal connection?  I think websites might be the best young people can get.

1. “She is always there.”
Websites, like a good best friend, are always up, running and, well, loyal.

2. “I think about what he is doing when I am not with him.”
I hear teens often comment about what is going up on YouTube, or that they might be missing something on ESPN.  They are more interested in this sometimes than their own friends.

3. “I want to be with her every chance I get.”
Teens check their favorite websites every chance they get — at school, on phones, in the middle of the night when parents are sleeping…”

4. “Spending time with her is so comforting.”
I think the familiarity of a website can be very comforting to upset, emotional, hormonal or over- excited teens, just like a best friend.

5. “We are so compatible.”
Web 2.0 is all about users being able to modify, change and adapt their content to whatever they want.  On Ning, Twitter and MySpace teen users can change wallpaper, the color of their buttons and much more…very much like a bedroom or a best friend with similar tastes and interests.

6. “When the he is down, I feel lost and depressed.”
Do not be around a teenager when their favorite website is down or going through maintenance. It used to be that when a best friend was away on family vacation, it was the worse feeling in the world.   I hear teens talk about maintenance on YouTube like someone they love has just gone into a coma.

7. “I like helping her with her problems.”
This generation also loves participating in marketing campaigns, submitting their own idea, videos and comments to blogs and companies just like friends helping each other with problems.

8. “We have grown up together.”
I sort of feel like I have grown up with Facebook.  My college was one of the first 20 schools admitted into Facebook when it was just for college students.  I have watched it change, grow, adapt and I feel like I have also done these things.  As with a childhood best friend, I think many teens feel this way about the websites they have been visiting all their lives.  They become very attached.

This was a rather sad article for me to write.  Partially, because I think I fit into some of these examples.  I have written poetry about my blog like it is my baby and for the Internet like it is my husband.  It is a constant battle for me to leave my favorite websites for a few days and develop real relationships…scary that real life friendships can be so much work. 

Who is your teen’s e-BFF?

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 2 Comment(s)
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I was absolutely floored last week when my son mentioned he’d given out his cell phone number on the internet. We’d recently had the conversation about the dangers lurking on the web when I presented a program on internet safety to our middle school — so my brain couldn’t wrap itself around the fact that he blatantly went against the number one rule in our house for using the internet: NO PERSONAL INFORMATION is to be given out for ANY reason!

I was furious. I raised my voice in a manner reserved for serious offenses and felt panic well up inside my body.  What would have possessed him to be so careless?  What part of “grooming” (a term we’d discussed) did he not understand? (Grooming is when a predator will pretend to be whatever sex or age he needs to be in order to lure a child into trusting him so the child will reveal personal information.)  I took a deep breath and sat my son down for a long talk about how serious this situation could be.

This time, I was very specific about what can happen when personal information is revealed to someone he doesn’t know.  He was in a popular game room for younger children and told me he knew this person was a girl his age from England.  I asked him, “How do you know she is from England?”

“She told me she is.  She gave me her phone number too.”

“You didn’t call or text her, did you?”

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• 	Posted by: Tara Paterson | 3 Comment(s)
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Earlier this week, the Partnership released a survey with MetLife Foundation showing that one in four teens would prefer to talk to their parents about drugs and alcohol by using email or their cell phones. Meantime, only three percent of parents want to discuss these subjects by cell or email. I don’t blame them — this is an important issue, and if we’re having anything other than in-person discussions about it, we miss out on that gratifying flicker of recognition that crosses our teens’ faces (after they cross their arms and roll their eyes) that lets us know they hear us, that we’ve made contact.

Nonetheless, the study makes an important point — our teens are part of “Generation Text,” and if we don’t get on board with these up-to-the-minute forms of keeping in touch, we may miss out on everyday opportunities to connect with our kids. While nothing takes the place of a face-to-face update — even if it’s for two minutes as your kid scarfs down an Eggo and runs to school. If you’ve had a tough time talking about drugs and alcohol, sending a text or an email may help break the ice and open the door for a future chat. And if your teen feels more comfortable emailing you about what goes on at school parties or what his friends are up to, be grateful he’s confiding in you, and keep up your end of the email exchange until he’s ready to talk.

Do you email or text with your kids? Do you find it’s helped to break the ice on tough subjects?

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 4 Comment(s)
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