One kid is too many, but an astounding 12 percent of American kids (8.3 million) live with at least one parent who is addicted.  Researchers working with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) found that approximately 7.3 million children lived with a parent who was dependent on or abused alcohol, and 2.1 million children lived with a parent who was dependent on or abused illicit drugs.

Their report, Findings for Children Living with Substance-Dependent or Substance-Abusing Parents, looked into the lives of children ages 12-18 between 2002 to 2007.

Speaking about the impact of this fact on young lives, Eric Broderick who is the acting director of SAMSHA put it this way, ”The chronic emotional stress in such an environment can damage their social and emotional development and permanently impede healthy brain development, often resulting in mental and physical health problems across the lifespan. This underlines the importance of preventive interventions at the earliest possible age.”

If you have someone in your life who struggling with substance abuse, please take action.  If they have a family, realize that you’re not only helping the person with a potential addiction, you’re helping the lives and futures of their children for the better.  If you need more information, start on the intervention portion of our site. 

Our full suite of support, tools and tips from experts and parents also includes a link to our Time To Act program if you think or know your child might be experimenting or using alcohol and drugs.

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 1 Comment(s)
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We’ve known for years that involved and connected fathers raise teenagers who do better in school, have healthier relationships, and stay out of trouble.  Not bad for a job that we all want to do well.  But sometimes things get in the way of becoming the father we want to be.  Our work demands increase, we’re around the house less, and we try to rush our kids to talk to us.  I can remember racing home from the office when my kids were young, only to find that they were engaged in something else or getting ready for bed.  By their teen years I had figured out that I had to catch them when they were available and let go of the notion that they would accommodate my schedule.
 
It’s mighty difficult to work fifty to sixty hours a week and be there when they need you.   It will mean juggling your schedule to show up for their events and be around enough to have the “talks” that are such an essential part of good parenting.  But it can be done.  Working late?  Text them, e-mail them, or catch them on their cell phone (if you’re lucky they’ll pick up).  Let them know that you’re thinking of them even if you’re not around.  That means tuning into their lives — knowing about their interests (sports, music, websites, etc.) their friends, successes and disappointments. Beware of conversations that are exclusively focused on how they are doing in school.  It’s a sure fire way to end a conversation quickly.  Why not ask them to help you with something?  They can teach you how to use YouTube, download music, or even advise you on the dated clothing you wear!  You’d be surprised to learn what a wonderful icebreaker this is.
         
If you want to talk about the sensitive issues (sex, drugs, etc.) you had better learn to speak comfortably with them first.  Dads often talk the language of facts and avoid the language of feelings because it makes them uncomfortable.  But it doesn’t have to be that way.  If you feel bothered by something, think about what it is, and try to express it.  For example, say that you’re worried about Grandma’s health and aren’t sure what to do.  It sends a powerful message to your son:  It’s okay to be afraid sometimes and talk about it. 

Sometimes men get choked up and that’s a sure sign that something is brewing.  It could be as simple as saying goodbye to your son when he’s going away for a few weeks.  Instead of patting him on the shoulder and telling him to take care — squeeze the words out:  I love you and I’ll miss you.  Want more help?  Ask your wife or son to point out when you’re not being honest about your feelings.   

Finally, learn to read between the lines.  If your son tells you that he doesn’t care about his stupid girlfriend anymore, but looks upset, pick up on it.  Tell him, I know how badly you feel and I can remember going through the same thing when I was around your age.  The better you learn to identify your son’s true feelings, the more likely you are to emotionally connect with him.  And that’s essential when you’re trying to keep him out of harm’s way.  So convey warmth, respect, and genuine curiosity — the dividends will pour in when it’s time to talk about the serious stuff.  And guess what, he’ll probably listen to you more often and even come to you for advice when the going gets tough.  How can you go wrong?
 

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Neil Bernstein | 2 Comment(s)
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Sometime between the age of 12 and 17 there is a deep dark void that develops between dads and teen girls.  I like to call it the “anti-daddy” period.  Have you experienced this? For me, this lasted about two years.

Here are some tips to help fathers understand and bond with their teenage daughters:

1) Realize What We Think

Teen-Vanessa:
-Everything dad does is totally wrong
-Everything dad does is horrendously embarrassing
-Everything dad does is, like, predictably stupid
-Spending as little time as possible with dad is ideal
-Dad, clearly, secretly wants to make my life miserable
-Dad sooooo does not get me…even though he thinks he does (which is infuriating)
-Dad has, obviously, never been anything like me

I hope that you are reading this list thinking, “No, not me and my daughter!” Congratulations, you must be way cooler than my dad, because these 7 thoughts became my mantra for two years.   Understand that this is normal.

2) It Passes

I feel bad actually now, but the good thing is, it passes.  My dad, when he reads this, is hopefully laughing…and agreeing??  I do have a great relationship now with both my dad and my step-dad (and had some of the worst ones when I was younger). So, it does get better…hopefully before her wedding day.

3) Have a Regular Date

When you are constantly asking to spend time with her, it feels like a nag.  If you can set-up a regular time, this will be less of an obstacle and she might secretly look forward to it.

4) Treat Us Like A Grenade…if we explode all over you do not take it personally

What you think of as just a comment, we see as unsolicited, offensive, horrible, degrading advice…sometimes.  There are some days when anything you say we are going to freak out at.  Expect this and try not to take it personally.

5) Admit You Are A Dork

Even if Pierce Brosnan was my dad, I would think he was a big loser (and he is the coolest guys I can think of).  The point is, we are going to think you are a big dork, if you just embrace this we will not fight it as much. (We will realize you are cool later).

6) Be a Constant Love

One thing I remember and so appreciate about both of my dads is that they are extremely constant.  They don’t really have mood swings, I know their stances on political issues, what they eat for breakfast and that they love me.  When you are a constant for them, they will go to you more often and love you for it.  You might not realize we appreciate this, but teen girls live in hormonal, social, emotional ups and downs, so you as a rock of love no matter what, is really a relief.

See Dad, I got better! I promise my sisters will too. = )

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 2 Comment(s)
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