There’s a rapidly growing anxiety among teens.  It’s all about being constantly connected and how feeling out of the loop is — well, torturous.  And it’s no laughing matter.

Many teens I talk to feel compelled to check Facebook constantly and respond to email and text messages immediately — no matter where they are and what they’re doing.  So much so, that the thought of being out of touch with friends has become a full-blown fear.   A 15-year-old girl recently confessed that she sleeps with her cell phone so that she won’t miss a text.   A 16-year-old boy tells me that he can’t bear to turn off his computer for a few hours while he studies for a test because he might miss something “important” happening with his friends.  And a middle schooler confided that despite her parent’s restrictions, she races to her computer after they have gone to sleep.  It’s a connection frenzy alright, fueled by peer pressure and a fear of being alone.

Despite the documented benefits of social networking, there is a dangerous downside.  Increasing numbers of teenagers feel compelled to stay tuned in and are inadvertently making major sacrifices to do so.  We’re looking at a more distracted and impatient generation in the making.  Young people are becoming more dependent on their online friends, shunning introspection, and deferring to decisions by consensus.  To say the least, this fear of disconnection weakens their focus on the task at hand and often fuels procrastination.  There’s a powerfully addictive quality to their electronic meanderings and many teens readily acknowledge it’s difficult to break away from its spell.

So, what’s a parent to do?  It would be easy to say that if a teen is going overboard we simply take away their cell phone or internet access.  But that no longer flies in the current culture — it’s an integral part of their lives.  And worse yet, severing their lifeline may backfire if they become depressed, ostracized, or increasingly rebellious or sneaky.

Better to establish reasonable and enforceable guidelines for cell and internet use.  We’re really talking about fostering independence here.  That means teaching our kids to be responsible, respectful of limits, and to be able to refrain from their 24/7 need for connection.   Young people must learn to entertain themselves, be comfortable alone, and delay instant gratification in order to keep them from being obsessed with being connected.  And perhaps it’s time to revisit the old notion of doing one thing at a time!

On a side note, make sure you practice what you preach so that there isn’t a disconnect between your actions and your advice. Parents should examine their own behavior and model a healthy relationship with social media. You don’t want to tell your teen he texts too much if you’re constantly checking your “Crackberry!”

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  Posted by: Guest Blogger: Neil Bernstein