Something I see a lot of in my field is the classic (and fraudulent) tactical mistake parents too often make when disciplining their teens. This tactic takes on features that are Ponzi-like in the realm of parenting, which is why I call this strategy “Ponzi Parenting.”

As I’m sure most of you know, in the financial world, a Ponzi scheme is a scam that aims for short-term gain instead of long-term success, setting off a whole series of bad behaviors. Similarly, “Ponzi Parents” try to please their kids — and make life easier for themselves — in the short term, without worrying about larger, and possibly lifelong, negative consequences.

The main theme of the error is that when parents discipline for the moment and get in the habit of choosing the easy way out, they bank on the short-term gain of pleasing their child and on the hope of avoiding conflict. But keeping children happy doesn’t necessarily mean (More…)

• 	Posted by: Ken Winters, Ph.D. | 1 Comment(s)
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The research the Partnership does to help better understand the wants and needs of parents is invaluable to our work. It is also frequently covered in the media which helps enormously in our outreach. On rare occasions, very well-intentioned efforts by the press to showcase our research don’t work out as planned. I thought I’d share my letter today to the good folks at USA Today regarding a “snapshot” that fits that description:

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July 14, 2009

To the Editor:

While we were delighted to see the Partnership / MetLife Foundation PATS study cited in your “Snapshot” of July 14, (“Do Parents Want Schools to Teach Kids about Drug Use?”) we think it’s critically important to clarify the significance of the data presented.

The numbers shown indicate that 66% of fathers and 78% of mothers disagree that “schools should have the main responsibility for educating teens about drug use.” These numbers reflect positively on parents’ willingness to take responsibility for educating their children about the risks of drug use and drinking. They do not indicate that parents regard schools as unimportant in the effort to keep their kids drug-free.

It is the combined effect of parents, communities, media initiatives and school-based programs such as Safe and Drug-Free Schools that has resulted in a sustained reduction in teen use of drugs and alcohol over the past ten years.

Sincerely,

Stephen J. Pasierb
President and CEO

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Thanks for letting me share.  And, thanks for continuing to support Decoder.

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 0 Comment(s)
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My brother and I secretly bought uncensored Dr. Dre albums in high school and played them whenever my parents were not home.  We also had an elaborate system to hide, but keep readily accessible, our Eminem CDs (we liked rap). While thinking about this minor form of rebellion,  I couldn’t help but wonder:

…if I rebelled by listening to Eminem, how will Eminem’s daughter rebel…by listening to Christian music?

This line of thought made me realize a few things about teen rebellion:

1) It’s Never Relative

You often hear:

“My friends do soooo much worse!”

“You should see most other kids my age!”

“Your sister never did this!”

Honestly, rebellion is never relative.  And often times, people are hypocritical about it.  Sometimes I hear parents who tell their kids, “You need to act like your sister,” but then also demand that “just because your friends do it, does not mean you should do it, too.”  Whether you are going through your own child’s rebellion, looking back or looking ahead, it is important to understand that comparing your child to “the average kid,” a sibling or a friend almost never helps, and will probably just cause everyone more frustration. (More…)

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 4 Comment(s)
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