One of my teen clients recently did a science lab in which she had to use Lego sets to build something. She told me that she normally hated building, but she loved this project because it made her feel efficient. Efficiency, she said, is the greatest feeling.

The more I thought about it, the more I agreed. In fact, I think that letting teens feel efficient is actually a great self-esteem booster for them. Because I believe that efficiency is so important for teens, I’ve come up with a couple of scenarios where you as a parent can help your teen feel more efficient:

• When doing homework, encourage teens to do the subject they feel most proficient in and can complete most quickly first. They’ll feel less frustrated by the harder, more difficult homework assignments that follow.
• If your teen is feeling down or bad about herself, think of activities that will make her feel efficient and have her do them to boost her mood.

Remember, teens struggle through a lot (homework assignments, boring school novels, SAT/ACT prep), so it’s important to show them—not just remind them—that they can actually zip through certain things. And you can even use your kids’ efficiency to your own advantage—have them wrap some gifts, unload the dishwasher, or fold the laundry for you!

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 0 Comment(s)
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Michael Hausauer, a psychotherapist in Oakland, Calif., said teenagers had a “terrific interest in knowing what’s going on in the lives of their peers, coupled with a terrific anxiety about being out of the loop.” For that reason, he said, the rapid rise in texting has potential for great benefit and great harm.

Here’s the article from the New York Times.

• 	Posted by: Joe Keenan | 1 Comment(s)
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The moms and dads who struggle with their child’s experimentation or behavior wonder where it will lead and how they will get through the challenges they face. But amidst the pain, there are insights and opportunities for growth that are profound. One such insight is from parents who have learned that the child who is fighting them the hardest, who is the most difficult to love, may be the one who needs them the most.

One mom wrote on my blog: “No matter what a teenager brings to the table we have to remember that we love them enough to keep loving them — no matter what.” Another writes: “I have learned along the way that the one who is the most outrageous is also the most at risk for me pushing her away and out of the house before she is ready to go…”

It is the deepest and most challenging kind of growth a parent can experience to let go of being “right,” to let go of control, and to allow ourselves to shift and change, and in so doing open up a new way of connecting with a struggling teen.

Many years ago I had the good fortune to spend a rejuvenating weekend at a lovely health spa. I took advantage of what they called a “tai-chi walk” which was a guided walk through the woods with a tai-chi instructor. Funny how a newly-opened mind makes the world look so different, even when you are gazing upon things you’ve seen your whole life. We stopped on a small bridge that spanned a brook rushing over round and worn New England rocks. Our guide asked us to observe the water and the stones and to consider which was more powerful. At first glance, of course, one wants to say the rock is, but the reason the rocks are round and smooth is because the water wears them down. The water can change its course; the water is infinitely more flexible and moldable…and therefore more powerful.

And so it goes as we interact in our families. As we can bend and mold to the issues and temperaments of each of our particular and unique teens, we can find new and better ways to connect with them, influence them, and teach them. You can’t take YOU out of the equation. This is your opportunity to bend, to learn, to change, to grow and to love in a way that it reaches your child, even your troubled, difficult to love child.

The first mom I quoted above goes on to share more of her learnings: “When my teen started doing things that I had not expected from her, like sexting, numerous texts, porno on the computer, hanging on boys, changing her appearance, etc. I had to shift gears. It was painful, I will not lie! I will admit some of my initial reactions were not pleasant, and if continued would have driven her to run — which she did once. Funny thing though, she was my child and she loved me enough to give me a second chance. For that I am very grateful. When I was able to remember how when she was little and I was teaching her ‘life skills’ like swimming, that she depended on my reactions to develop her feelings about those skills, it became a much smoother ride.”

How do you love your “wild child?”

• 	Posted by: Guest Blogger: Sue Blaney | 1 Comment(s)
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Sexting, the act of sending suggestive electronic text and/or picture messages, is something parents must be aware of – and talk to their kids about.   If your child has a cell phone and is 10 or above, you need to have this conversation with them.  Check out the facts below — and the related links – for facts and tips on talking:

How many young adults are sending or posting nude or semi-nude images of themselves?
33% of young adults overall
36% of young adult women
31% of young adult men

How many teens say they have sent/posted nude or semi-nude pictures or video of themselves?
20% of teens overall
22% of teen girls
18% of teen boys
11% of young teen girls (ages 13-16)

Sexually suggestive messages (text, email, IM) are even more prevalent than sexually suggestive images. How many teens are sending or posting sexually suggestive messages?
(More…)

• 	Posted by: Vanessa Van Petten | 0 Comment(s)
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One kid is too many, but an astounding 12 percent of American kids (8.3 million) live with at least one parent who is addicted.  Researchers working with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) found that approximately 7.3 million children lived with a parent who was dependent on or abused alcohol, and 2.1 million children lived with a parent who was dependent on or abused illicit drugs.

Their report, Findings for Children Living with Substance-Dependent or Substance-Abusing Parents, looked into the lives of children ages 12-18 between 2002 to 2007.

Speaking about the impact of this fact on young lives, Eric Broderick who is the acting director of SAMSHA put it this way, ”The chronic emotional stress in such an environment can damage their social and emotional development and permanently impede healthy brain development, often resulting in mental and physical health problems across the lifespan. This underlines the importance of preventive interventions at the earliest possible age.”

If you have someone in your life who struggling with substance abuse, please take action.  If they have a family, realize that you’re not only helping the person with a potential addiction, you’re helping the lives and futures of their children for the better.  If you need more information, start on the intervention portion of our site. 

Our full suite of support, tools and tips from experts and parents also includes a link to our Time To Act program if you think or know your child might be experimenting or using alcohol and drugs.

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 1 Comment(s)
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