Parents Enabling Teenage Drinking
Time and time again I see news stories of teenagers losing their lives in horrific car accidents after leaving underage-drinking parties at a friend’s house. Just today, I read about another young teen’s death after he left a party and drove his car into oncoming traffic –- he was only 16. One of the parents at the party had served him and his friends alcohol. The loss of yet another bright future makes me sad, but the fact that a parent would willingly permit teenage drinking by serving alcohol to underage kids just leaves me speechless.
Sadly enough, the article highlights a scary trend — one-third of teens said it was “easy to obtain alcohol” from their parents, according to a 2005 study conducted by the American Medical Association. That figure jumps to 40 percent when it comes to getting alcohol from a friend’s parent. One out of four teens said they had attended a party where minors were drinking in front of parents.
What do you think? Should this mother be held accountable for enabling teenage drinking and providing alcohol to her son’s friends? And what do you tell your own kids when they want to have a party?
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If you’re asking whether a parent should be held financially and legally responsible for not securing their children after providing alcohol… then yes, most certainly. The simple facts of the dangers of DWI makes it a parents’ duty to ensure their child does not engage in such acts.
The main part of the problem, though, is that responsible parents do not teach their kids how to drink responsibly. Rather than accepting alcohol use at home while monitored, most parents would rather let it go on behind their backs, giving them a shade of plausible deniability and allowing them to continue believing that their daughter, their precious baby son would never get into something like drinking.
And then in societies’ rush to condemn the parent’s whose kids find their vehicles’ and bodies’ wrapped around objects harder than them, in the rush to dissuade and protect our loved ones, we so easily fall into the trap of thinking that -my- kid won’t do drugs, my kid won’t experiment with the same things that they have been for the past four thousand years both benefiting and harming the world.
Much needs to be done to make parents aware of the latest research on the way the brain develops and the impact on that development of alcohol (ages 12-20). It’s significant, and it is research only available in the last 10 years or so due to the inroads made in brain imaging technologies (MRI, PET, SPECT). Because of these advances in brain imaging technologies, scientists can now study the live, human brain.
It’s strange when you think about it - we don’t tell our children to take the car out with their friends when they’re 14 in order to “teach” them to drive so that they know how when they turn 16. Yet, we think it’s wise to “teach” our children how to drink so that they know how to drink when they go off to college. It would be interesting to learn how many high school students who “learned” how to drink, drink no more than one or two drinks at a college frat party.
A great resource for this new brain research and information about addiction (drugs or alcohol) is http://www.hbo.com/addiction. This site is produced by HBO in collaboration with The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, NIAAA and NIDA.
Also check out the Partnership’s site, A Parent’s Guide to the Teen Brain @ http://www.drugfree.org/teenbrain.
Huh. While some of those articles were pretty informative,some of the rest of the information is rather naive and one sided.
My favorite quote:
“Among adolescents, marijuana use is second only to alcohol use. Many people believe that marijuana is harmless. They’re wrong. ”
Thank you HBO, you clarified what I thought was a complex issue into a two sentence phrase!
There is no “safe” way for a teen or minor to consume alcohol. So to attempt to teach them a responsible way to consume, is, in and of itself unsafe.
Science has recently discovered that the human brain does not stop developing until an adult is into their early to mid 20’s. Exposing a developing brain to alcohol is a risky undertaking.
Any parent allowing teens to drink in their households should, in my opinion, be legally responsible in the case of a tragic accident.
Our daughter J, 17, has a serious substance abuse problem and we are trying everything to help her. Last summer she stumbled home from what we later learned was a teen party several houses from ours. The mom frequently boasts about allowing her now college son and his friends drink where they can “supervise”. I laid with J as I was afraid she would vomit and asphyxiate in her sleep. Instead, she got out of bed and urinated on the floor not even knowing where she was or what she was doing. I went to the neighbor the next day and the son was home. I told him if J ever was allowed in their house we would bring the police and press charges. My daughter came home over Christmas break angry at us as the boy was having another party and she wasn’t allowed in the house. Also, this mother is upset because her 11th grade daughter has taken a vow of abstinence from alcohol and sex and she isn’t popular. There needs to be an anonymous hotline to report these things because we have a younger daughter and we fear harmful repurcussions for her if we call the police. These parents who provide alcohol to underage kids are out of their minds.
It is such a shame to hear things like this. Parents who give their children alcohol are not behaving as responsible parents because they are failing to realize the consequences of their seemingly “innocent” actions.
“What do you think? Should this mother be held accountable for providing alcohol to her son’s friends?”
Let’s aim for some additional perspective by setting up a hypothetical senario: Your adolescent son will be attending a party on Friday at the home of a classmate. The host parent is, at this very moment, shopping for the chips, dips, and sodas for the gathering. On her “to-do” list is also the stop by the liquor store to stock up on the alcohol-based beverages that she will make available to your son and other parents’ sons and daughters attending the party. She is comfortable in her role of providing a valuable learning experience in responsible alcohol consumption for your son and the other under-age classmates that will be at the party. In addition, she is confident in her ability to “secure” your teen and the other teens as they become intoxicated, and after they are “securely” under the influence of the alcohol she will be providing…( you know…because she has such an admirable sense of accountability toward the safety and well being of your teen). Just wonder what the odds are that she will feel as confident and secure in mentioning to you and the other parents, in converation, that she has chosen to provide alcohol to your teen?
Although I have not provided alcohol to my underage teens, I think that the parents that do it are not consciously trying to “teach” their children to drink. What they ARE doing is assuming that their kids will find a way to drink behind their backs — out there on the unsafe streets somewhere. Then, as a harm reduction tactic, they figure they’d be better off providing a safe and supervised place for the drinking to occur.
While I respect the ideal that the majority of you seem to aspire to, I find it’s application both impractical and unlikely. SHOULD a parent go out and buy alcohol for a party for their underage children and whatever guests they may bring? Of course not, and bringing this up, Mrs. Herndon, is just raising a straw man. But what if the parents of a child allow them to drink moderate quantities of alcohol in a safe, controlled situation BEFORE they learn abusive drinking habits? This is the way I, and all six of my siblings were raised, and even after moving to four different states and attending several “party colleges”, none of us have had alcohol problems.
It’s a very fine thing for parents who have the time, luck and perfect relationship with their children to discourage drinking. Can all parents do this? Can all parents protect their children from any exposure to alcohol until they have turned 21? Even then, when our kids have grown up and can buy alcohol, how will they know how to use it responsibly? In other words, if parents refuse to teach their children HOW to drink safely, who will? I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing firsthand the shock college students go through upon learning they have no one to slap their hand when they reach for a beer. I’ve seen probably over a dozen eighteen-year-olds hospitalized on moving out and attending their first party. Can you be their? Can you really trust your son or daughter will remember the guidance of the parents who told them NEVER to drink as a teenager?
Susieg: A question. Who taught your daughter to drink? Do you think that if this other parent (who is obviously not only out of her mind, but rather criminal the way you describe her) is the ONLY person in town willing to give alcohol to a teen? Are there no other parties that she might be exposed to it?
I am very sorry for your daughter’s difficulties, and I will pray for her and you, as well as for the mother who is apparently acting so carelessly. But this does not change the fact that most children are not so lucky to have a parent as strong and as protective as you. How will they know what to do the first time they have a couple of drinks? Who will they turn to?
I apologize for the length of this post, but I feel very strongly no matter how much we want to protect our children from mistakes, we have be prepared for them to fail occasionally. This means teaching them how to prevent a small mistake from becoming a huge one.
When I was twelve, my mother came to my door one night and asked me and my siblings to come into the living room. My sister Megan, who was seventeen at the time, was sobbing uncontrollably. My mother calmly told us that one of Megan’s friends had died that night. She had been at a party, gotten drunk, and has insisted on driving home because her mother would otherwise be furious at her. My mother then explained that no matter what time it was, no matter what state we were in, we could always call her for a pickup, and she would not punish us. That talk probably saved my life a few times.
>”It’s a very fine thing for parents who have the time, luck and >perfect relationship with their children to discourage drinking”.
With all due respect, Mr. Young, time, luck and perfect relationships, (”perfect” relationships being non-existant), have absolutely nothing to do with the informed, responsible, parental decision making. There are several posts, here, outlining the physiological risk that alcohol exposure poses to the developing brain of a teen. It would be a good idea for you to read current scientific information regarding the subject.
I absolutely think that parents who serve alcohol to underage children need to be held accountable. There is no “safe” way to drink. And then letting a kid out to drive after they’ve been drinking is outrageous.
My husband and I completely abstain from alcohol and would not allow our kids to attend parties where alcohol is being served. I’ve talked extensively to them about drinking. I’ve told them it is their choice when they get older to drink socially but drunkenness is never acceptable. They also know it runs in the family and what their risks are.
mm… amazing ))
The problem is that there are a lot of parents who just plain DO not care about being responsible parents but would rather be “friends” with their teens. In my town (small town) it is very prevalent. Some adults host parties and even charge the teen per head to get in. Recently a young teen’s mother hooked up with the teens friend and is now facing statutory rape charges. It’s no longer enough to check out where your kid is, but WHAT they are doing and even YES listening to other people! Yes I think this parent should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law! Yes we know the kid knew better, but she is still the adult and if it was my kid, not only would my kid face the consequences of their actions, you can bet I’d have the parent in civil court when the law was finished with her.
Okay so iam only 18 years old and i have drank a lot. This article about blaming the adult for buying the alcohol and giving it to the kids is not there fault. The kids did not have to take the alcohol and that teenager should have never driven home. Just because a parent serves a kid alcohol doesnt mean that they are bad parents. My father lets me drink at home because he knows that i am safe and that nothing is going to happen to me as long as im at home and im safe and not getting into a car with someone that is drunk. If a parent is giving there kid alcohol in their own home is showing them that they dont want to see them go out and get hurt like other teenagers do. Yes it was wrong for the parent to give them alcohol and then allow the kid to drive home. The parent should have taken the keys from the kid and told them if they wanted to drink then they would have to stay. But that my opinion on this and if anyone has a problem with it then i could care less because i love alcohol!!! lol.
SO…what about when your 18 year old son is graduated from High School and still lives at home. He is using drugs and alcohol blatantly, he has been the driver of an injury accident and fled the scene(charges are pending), he received a minor in consumption LESS than one week later, his dad told him that he had to either do 2 assignments of the 4 that he HAD to get done to graduate or he had to find somewhere else to live and he moved back in with his mother and me(stepdad). We found a pot pipe in his room when we went to get the keys to move his grandpa’s truck that he is allowed to use for work. He sends texts and says to his mother’s face, F*** You! …. what is the “responsible” way to parent this young man? What is the best chance to help him make better decisions for his future…what is the best way for the mother to handle it? the stepdad? This issue is dividing our marriage and I am looking for any and all advice…I am a Christian man and my faith and trust in God and the Lord Jesus Christ is what keeps me in this marriage and devoted not only to my wife…but to our two sons as well.(yes-stepsons, but I love them like my own sons!) Thank you for any and all input!
I’m sorry for every spelling mistake but I’m German so in Germany we have the rule 16= alcohol up to 15% alcohol 18=the rest i think this makes sense because kids learn how to use alcohol in small steps and even before they are allowed to drive so that we don’t have the problem that the new 21 year old person who never drunk thinks I’m cool yea i can drink but don’t realizes that he can’t drive and after that he probably is driving against a tree and America is the land of the opportunities but sry you can kill people buy weapons and what you want but no you cannot drink a beer with your friends or dad when does the government stops thinking for us no wonder that the world is so dumb it’s not the alcohol it’s the government how doesn’t let us make our own decisions or do you will forbid your children to ride the bike because it could die or it can hurt himself you could protect it from that but no you let him fall and let him learn his lesson so if your kid comes home drunk do not scream at him offer him to pick him up if he goes the next time because if he knows that his parents don’t get him in trouble for that than he will call and wound drive just tell him you don’t like it and you wouldn’t buy it for him but let him make his own decisions at least when he is 16
and I’m drinking since I’m 16 and i never took drugs got criminal or violent or other things
Okay! Damage from alcohol at this time can be long-term and irreversible. In addition, short term or moderate drinking impairs learning and memory far mote in yourh than adults. Adolescents need only drink half as much to suffer the same negative effects.
i have been to lots of parties where parents are there letting kids drink, most of these parties we bring our own alcohol, parents rarely ever provide. although i can see how it is innapropriate, most of these parents are there makin sure that noone drinks and drives. if the parents were not there, many kids would drink and drive. I hate to break it to you parents but NO MATTER what u say or do, high school kids drink, our school took a study and more than 80% of students drink. My parents have given me these cute little talks and while i respect them because i know its because they care, i dont listen because they dont understand that just because someone drinks doesnt mean that im gonna die immediately hahaha. Alot of the parents that host parties save kids lives becuase they know that we will drink if they let us over or not. On a high risk night like prom night, its a given that many will drink, thats why everyone takes limo’s, and if we didnt have parents to host parties than we would have to sneak somewhere and drink and then probably drive home. This site needs to get real, kids turn off the second you ask how they feel, thats totally weird, talk about the effects of alcohol and what its like to be drunk, the reason kids experiment is b.c they wanna know what its like. When you were 18 you drank - now that were either 18 or close to that age - we want to enjoy drinking just like you do with your friends. Please stop pretending and get real with your kids, if you don’t - it might cost you a healthy relationship with your kid.
In most states, it is not illegal for a parent to provide their own child with alcohol. However, both morally and legally, they have no right to give anyone else’s child (under 21) alcohol. And by “giving alcohol” means providing it or turning your head the other way while they drink in your home.
i miss my daughter more than i have words for.
adults sold teens alcohol in their private home. Kelli caught a ride home with one of her classmates.. because she herself was intoxicated, she did not realize he was drunk.
did anyone force Kelli to drink?
of course not. it’s pretty tempting when you’re not allowed to buy alcohol and adults offer you ‘all you can drink’ for $5.00.
I could care less what any of you who are sticking up for adults providing alcohol to minors- do.
you however might want to stop being selfish for one minute & consider how your parents & lil sibs would feel if you die.
trust me, it will ruin their lives.