Airborne Toxic Event - Attempts at Connecting with my Teen Daughter
As many of you are well aware, it’s not always easy for us parents to connect with our teenagers. They can be moody. They can be withdrawn. They can turn on the tight-lipped, arms-crossed, eye-roll, leave-me-alone posture with incredible ease. So how can we break through this teenage angst and get them to open up?
Parenting expert Marybeth Hicks suggests listening to what’s on their iPod. “You have to know some of the songs,” she says. “And sometimes you have to go to lyrics.com to learn the words because you can’t quite understand them.”
My youngest teen, as it turns out, is really into the band Airborne Toxic Event. She was kind enough to share her iPod playlist with me recently on the way to a soccer game. “Papillon,” the second track on their latest album, was interesting…
All dressed up, no place to run
No car, no girl, no pills, no fun
Nothing to do in this empty room
I gotta get my head together soon
Alone again, no fans, no friends
You call me up at half past ten
And say “How are you holding up my friend?
Are you sitting around getting drunk again?”
Pills? Getting drunk? No friends? Depressing, for sure. And not exactly the kind of thoughts I want swirling around my 15-year-old’s brain.
“Pause,” I said. “What’s up with these lyrics?”
“Dad, it’s new music, it’s just a song, get with it.”
I took the opportunity to probe a little further about the band, where they were from, and the meaning of their name — which got her talking. Then I made a point of suggesting she not aspire to the theme of those lyrics. Eyes rolled, but I made my point. Hey, it’s a process.
What about you? What are your teens listening to? Have you looked up the lyrics and asked them about it? What did they say?
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Yes, I have listened to the lyrics, and some are so angry, violent, depressing… Here in Latin America there is the boom ‘reaggeton,’ kind of music that offends women, objectifies them, and cheers for infidelity. What can we do? We care so much for our kids, talking and not allowing that kind of music. Then they go out to talk to the neighbor (same age) and he bring his Ipod with that ‘cool stuff’ on it…. So?
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Susan
http://www.car-insurance-choices.com
Excellent comments by MaryBeth on how to stay connected with her kids and understnading and monitoring what’s going on in their lives.
The biggest positive for me when my kids were growning up was to be closely involved with most if not all of their important activities like soccer and basketball games, concerts, school work and their friends. Knowing who their friends are and who they’re hanging out with
Here’s a challenging question: Of your kids friends, how many of their parents and their siblings have you met and spoken to?
As usual, a great topic and great advice. I believe parents should go even further and not just stay in touch with the music their kids are listening to, but they also need to keep abreast with the fads-what is in-and what their kids and their friends are into. Keeping pace with new technology or new features applied to old technology is also important to narrow what I refer to as the “Generation Crater.” It is important for our kids to feel understood and parents need to enter the teen subculture to do so.
Dr. Michael Osit
Author/Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (Amacom, 2008)
I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Susan
http://www.car-insurance-choices.com
I’d recommend beating around the bush on these sorts of topics, having the teen pick up on the message without being ‘told’ what to do. Sometimes your method yields dangerous results, where the teen rebels when told what to do/what to think. You must earn their respect if you want to safely take the steps suggested in this post.
Have you even thought about songs that we’re popular 30 years ago? Perhaps you’d want to review the lyrics to “Hot Blooded” by Foreigner or even better Clapton’s 1977 song about a specific drug that starts with “Co” and ends in “caine.” Your 15 year old has fantastic taste in music. Go through your old albums and teach her about the music from your generation that influenced her favorite artists. Ok, I doubt songs like “Hot Blooded” influenced anyone but you’re bound to know something good.
Please, take a moment, and, forget about the lyrics, just for a while… You will connect with your kids, if you firsts, forget about the lyrics of the music they listening. Do better. Think about what you should focus on, forgetting about lyric’s, in order to stay conneced with your kids!
I’m 45, living in Canada, 1st language=french.
Learned english because without it! Where I’m suppose to go?
I do, and I will always remember my French-Canadian roots…
But…, I’m a Frog… ;0)… please, if you comment, be gentle with my english writing. I’m doing my best.
Today, at 45, I do sometimes listen to songs from the 70’s & 80’s that I loved listing to, in 1977. Many thanks to Deezer!
But……….., because there is always a “but”, when I’m listening to these songs, I DO understand the freaking lyrics… Let me tell you, it is not always pretty. But!, main goal of music is to make you dream…, another goal would be to “poke!” your emotions. But!!!! I’m quite sure, that our ears get’s penetrated by the harmony…. you love it, or you don’t!
Think about it! Some country music’s lyrics, not talking about drugs, are very, very, depressing to! But, harmonys, are quite nice!.
Stay connected with our kids is not easy!
But regarding the music they are listening to… parents should clean their own closet before attempting the stunt of asking questions about there preferences .
Music is Art. Don’t forget your responsibilies over it … please!