There’s been a great deal of news coverage this past week about a new sniff dog service to find drugs in teenagers’ rooms. I’ve been interviewed by several networks on this issue and have been struck by the intensity of both pro and con reactions from respondents. So I’d like to clarify my position and invite concerned parents to express their views.
First and foremost, it’s quite appropriate to be concerned about alcohol and drug use in the teen community. There’s a great deal of activity going on under the radar screen and parents need to be tuned into their child’s activities. There are plenty of companies out there who will sell you surveillance equipment, tracking systems for internet use, private detectives to follow your child around to detect illicit activities, and most recently, drug sniffing dogs who will come to your home to uncover illicit substances. With all the publicity out there for these “wonderful” new products and services, it’s tempting for a parent to bring in the heavy artillery to address the issue.
I’m all for monitoring the activities of teens, providing adequate supervision, setting limits, and checking in with other parents when you’re concerned. And I strongly urge all parents to familiarize themselves with the signs of drug use so that they can intervene when it’s indicated. But I urge great caution when it comes to invasive interventions which may not be necessary. There are no real shortcuts to good parenting, and in fact, the more effort we put into developing strong and open relationships with our teens, the better position we’re in to learn about what they’re up to. So if you’re deeply concerned about your teen’s possible drug or alcohol use, start by telling them why you’re concerned, what you’ve learned, and where you stand. Then, tell them you plan on searching their room, with or without them present, and you will continue to do so as long as you suspect drug use. You can even put them on notice that you are prepared to notify the school, police, or appropriate agencies, if they continue to disregard your concerns. It’s a firm, out front, and often effective intervention.
Drastic measures should be reserved for extreme situations where all else has failed, there’s imminent danger, and your teen is not heeding your warning. But please keep in mind that teens feel violated when they learn about secret surveillance. It can potentially erode trust, result in teens becoming even sneakier, and further alienate them from you – the very person they need most. So think long and hard about what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and what the potential repercussions are. And be assured that there is plenty of help out there if you need it.
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What’s everyone doing for safety precautions for Halloween? My husband came across an article (http://i-newswire.com/pr220892.html) with some info about background checking neighbors. I thought that may be a little overboard but it had some other good suggestions for some precautions I haven’t thought about. Last year my youngest son came down with a massive fever after Halloween. I almost thought about just taking the kids to our church’s fall festival this year instead of door-to-door to prevent that from happening again. I don’t know yet. What’s your advice? Am I over-reacted or just being a concerned mom?
I can see how it would be tempting for a mom or dad who’s very worried to bring in a drug-sniffing dog or hire a private detective. But Dr. Bernstein is right, because if your kid thinks you don’t trust him or her, it can make the situation a lot worse.
Think about it – how does any of us act when we think someone doesn’t trust us? We avoid them. When drugs or alcohol or both are involved, they magnify the problem. One deceives, one hides, one lies.
Dr. Bernstein’s advice about what a parent can say and do directly with their child is good. Particularly important is to talk with him or her, in a calm, supportive, honest way — to let them you’re concerned and thinking about snooping – and that you love them, care about them and their health and safety and want to know what’s going on, etc. Don’t do all the talking. Listen to what they have to say.
As Dr. Bernstein says, it’s important that parents know they’re not alone, and that there are a lot of people who can help. It’s common for parents to be reluctant to reach out to someone not in the family – or even in the family — because they’re embarrassed or concerned what others might think.
But if you feel that way, you’ve got to get over that.
This is about what the problem is doing to your kid and you and your family; this is NOT that you’ve done something wrong as a parent. A drug-sniffing dog doesn’t fix the problem. An intervention does, and the intervention starts with talking and listening. If you’re worried about drug abuse or you know it’s there, bring in outside help ASAP – such as a school counselor, your family physician, a family therapist, a professional substance abuse counselor, a clergy member.
speaking for myself, This is something i would NEVER do as a parent.
Any parent who hires a private detective or drug sniffin dog is already failing in a major way as a parent and at this point might want to go back in time and sterilize themselves for future Nazi crimes against their kids.
I wonder if the war on drugs has dealt with drugs in their home? I have and I have lost but I did keep my home drug free. My oldest son is a deceased heroin addict and I did everything possible to get the drugs out him but when that wasn’t possible, I did what was necessary to keep the drugs out of my home and the rest of my family and here is why.
Could I have been a better parent? Of course, we all can. The war on drugs IS a war and it is an invisible war because it is SO easy for your child to begin using drugs, no matter how much talking you do; and, the scary thing is, the signs of drug use show up after multiple uses. You’re really lucky if you catch them at it the first time and once they’re using regularly you’re chances of success dwindle quickly. So, fore-warned is fore-armed. Look at it this way, if you thought Nazis might be in your child’s room, would you go in and check? How is this different?
I waited too long to help my son. I refused to see the signs and I wanted to believe him. Here’s what can happen when your child is a regular drug user: they will steal from you, they will use your phone to order drugs, they will harbor felony level drugs in your home. Here’s what can happen to you: you could lose your home, drug dealers will be calling your home phone number looking for payment, your checking & saving accounts will be wiped out, your jewelry will be stolen and pawned, your home computer will become fair game for hackers, drug dealers and the police.
Does hiring a private detective or drug sniffing dog sound too far fetched now?
When all of the above happened to me, I trained my German Shepherd to sniff out pot and heroin, I put locks on all my doors, changed the PIN on all my accounts and began patting down my son’s friends and my sons (I have more than one). Yes, it was embarrassing and yes it created some hard moments and yes I called the police on my son. But, you know what? My home is drug free, I am no longer a victim of theft and identity theft.
So, if I had done all this years ago when I first suspected drug use, would my son still be alive? What do you think? Maybe it’s OK to be a Patsy.