A few years ago, I read an interview with Jamie Lee Curtis, in which she said that parents with concerns about their children’s habits and behaviors—especially addictions—should examine their own behavior. (Curtis has some street cred, having successfully fought drug and alcohol addiction herself.) This notion rang so true to me, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

It makes sense. For one thing, kids clearly look to parents to model behavior. But I have another explanation that is less mainstream: Sometimes I feel as though we attract to our lives that with which we struggle. And it’s always easier to see in others (even our kids) what we can’t see in ourselves.

My children are too young to have issues with drugs and alcohol, but I do get very concerned from time to time about their dependence on TV and electronic games. I have nothing against either of these, in moderation. But for me, a red flag goes up when my kids appear “zoned out” with these screens. There are certain looks and postures that tell me they’re using TV or video games to numb themselves or escape from the world for a while. Even they will admit, during these times, that the games or shows have gone past fun to boring, but they just can’t seem to pull themselves away.

But thanks to Curtis’s remark, during those moments I also turn inward, asking whether I’m “guilty” as well. Here’s how my self-interrogation goes. First, I get defensive and in denial mode: “Hey, I only watch TV at the end of a long day and it’s only for two hours, max. Don’t I deserve that small enjoyment?” Then I vow to reform: “Tomorrow will be a TV-free day. And this time I mean it.” Then I fail. (Often, but not always.) Of course, by then, something has changed in my kids’ lives, and they’ve moved away from screens onto more constructive play. And so have I. Crisis averted. Until the next time.

 
I’m having mixed results—at best–helping my kids recognize numbing or addictive behavior and look at what’s going on beneath the surface. And I have ups and downs in my own attempt to thwart numbing behavior. But I persist in the effort. I do so because I’m hoping we’ll have enough successes in the short term to summon some confidence in the future when the temptations of more destructive behaviors come calling. I know there are no guarantees, but in the meantime, I figure it can only help to see where my own weaknesses show up in my kids and to practice hitting the off button.

• 
  (Permalink | Email This Post )
  Posted by: Guest Blogger: Nancy Branka