Protecting Our Children On the Web
Last night I attended a fantastic presentation in Fairfax County, VA by an organization called Enough Is Enough. Their mission is to “Make the internet safer for children and their families.” The tools and resources they have compiled for parents over the past two years are invaluable; the intensity of the information is scary; and the message is critical to the safety of our children and their future. So what can you do as a parent to be the first line of defense for your child?
I used breakfast time this morning to chat with my oldest son about some of the things I learned. To my surprise he was interested and attentive to the information I had to share.
One thing I learned is that 7 out of 10 youth have been exposed to some form of inappropriate content and 79% of it is viewed in the home. My son confided he had seen an image while at a friend’s house and luckily, he didn’t feel ashamed or scared to tell me. I reassured him it is totally normal for a young person to want to see a naked woman (or man) and when approached in a healthy manner there is nothing wrong with the desire to know or understand more about how the sexual body works.
Parents fear having these conversations with their children either out of their own embarrassment or discomfort about their children having knowledge about sex. The problem is, kids do “know” about sex and have access to information about it at their fingertips and what they can’t easily find an answer to they will gladly ask a stranger who will be more than happy to provide an answer for them and often not in the manner in which a parent would approve of.
The first line of defense a parent can rely on starts with the bond they establish with their child. Children who don’t have trust with a caregiver are more vulnerable than children who are connected.
Second is the need for parents to become educated about what their tweens and teens are exposed to or have access to. Just because a child tells you they aren’t doing something doesn’t mean it’s true. Pay attention to their actions or behavior or what I like to call- tuning into your child (using your intuition). Educate yourself about social networks, texting, IMing, and other online activities your teen engages in. If you aren’t aware of the potential dangers your children will face, how will you know how to respond?
Finally, don’t be afraid to be the parent. Oftentimes we work hard to be our children’s friends when what they need is someone who will establish boundaries and be their parent. It’s one way kids know their parents love and care for them. Ask questions, set limits, be invasive if the situation warrants; take back your authority as the experienced adult in the house, but always remember to be respectful, listen and encourage your child to be open and honest with you about whatever they need to talk about.
The fact is kids are going to be curious and they will find away to satisfy their curiosity. As parents, we need to teach them how to manage the information they receive so they can make the right choices.
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Great information. I am happy that you took the step to attend the presentation, and happier that you shared it with your son. It says a lot that he felt comfortable enough in his relationship with you that he was able to share his experiences occurring outside the family. Kids want and need this kind of guidance.
Dr. Osit,
Thank you again for your support and acknowledgement of the effort that goes into being a conscious parent. It’s not easy, but it is necessary!!
There is another great video for parents put out by PBS that totally blew me away. FRONTLINE: Growing Up Online DVD . Most important it discussed that the internet is not going away and as parents how are we going to deal with it. The documentary goes into the private life of many teens and how they interact on the internet. Interestingly parents that thought they were in control and helping were the ones that isolated from their teens.
You are absolutely correct, which is the greatest issue we face. A lot of parents want to restrict their kids and hope it goes away, but it isn’t going to and we need to be prepared.
We can all know about what causes disease or skin cancer (let’s say if it’s the sun), but we are still going to be exposed to it whether we like it or not so we take precautions such as sunscreen or better care for our bodies…
Thank you for the information and I will be sure to share this with our middle school at our enrichment program in 2 weeks!
Tara
If most adults do not know how to use digital tools - blogs, wikis, IM, text, creating our own videos, social networking sites, podcasting, downloading an MP3, mashing, Web 2.0, 3.0, etc… then how do we expect to talk to teens about it? It’s like teaching a foreign language when you don’t know how to speak it. More and more secondary schools are banning ipods and cell phones - yet top colleges and universities that we hope our children attend are handing out ipods at orientation loaded with university information and schedules. College professors are recording their lectures and adding visuals that students can download into their ipods to enhance learning.
Where does this leave us? Teens find ways around the blocks and go online to these sites at home. Teens are digital natives and most parents are digital immigrants having just landed here recently. We cannot nor should we block information, but work with students to understand how information can affect and enhance their lives. We can partner with students in the digital world and work together to build digital bridges that will allow us the opportunity to guide their decisions.
oooh, moderated comments… does Sarah Palin have to approve? I work on a daily basis with inner city teens who are literally starving hungry and who need basic health info and prescriptions; I am a math teacher! why are they talking to me? I am terrified of their issues, but they are so hungry for food, information, STD prescriptions… please people, your kids are so fucked up, PLEASE listen to them and their friends and help them…
well there is one thing i would like to say about this
in my opinion….restricting a kid from using the web isnt very helpful
all u need to do is let them use the net and talk to them about internet safety and let them know that it can be dangerous, instead of banning them from the computer, let them use the net, chat people online or whatever as long as they do not give out all their information that would make them prey to unnecessary trouble. its as simple as that
I admire the fact that you wanted to protect your children. It is really unusual to parents having a conversation to their children with regards to sex education. This is what’s wrong with the parents, the effect will be misconception of their children and curiosity that may lead for them to ask on wrong person and the after effect may ruin their lives. Raising children, especially a teenager, can sometimes require a payday loan. Today, it seems every teenager owns or at least wants a cell phone, an MP3 player, and the latest trends out there. Raising a teen is a huge task for almost every parent. But should we give in to their every demand and support all their “wants?” Is getting a payday loan and providing them with everything they want would be the way to go? Or should we teach teens the appropriate ways to earn what they want? I found an article that suggests ways a teen can make their own money by doing simple things like shoveling snow. For more ideas on raising teens, visit the payday loan blog at PersonalMoneyStore.com.