I keep telling my 16-year-old daughter, Adrianne, to watch what she writes online, because Internet stupidity lives on forever.
When I was her age, I did stupid things, but they were never recorded for posterity. That’s because there was no YouTube, MySpace, or Facebook. The Internet as we know it didn’t even exist.
Well, things have changed. Someone steps in doggy doo, there’s video up in 15 minutes.
If that had been the case when I was 16, everyone would have known about my first experience with mass rejection.
It happened at a party in the 80s. The DJ played my favorite LL Cool J-tune, and I stupidly approached a group of girls who were dancing with each other, and asked one to dance with me.
The young lady looked at her friends like, “I know this fool did not just ask me to dance.”
I should have walked away then. Problem was, I had asked, so I was kind of obligated to wait for the answer. Knowing this, her girlfriends began circling like sharks.
They never said anything aloud. Their opinions were clearly etched on their faces.
The one in the tight Gloria Vanderbilts scrunched up her nose as if to say, “He’s not cool enough.” The one with the perm twisted her lips to signal, “He’s not cute enough.” The one with the huge gold earrings tugged at her ear, which clearly meant, “He’s broke.”
Having been struck down by the Council-of-Girls-Who-Dance-Together, I had only to wait for their leader to make it official.
When she opened her mouth to give her answer, the music seemed to stop and the whole room appeared to be watching.
“No,” she said, her voice echoing across the room.
Then the music resumed, and the crowd, having been entertained at my expense, turned away.
Today, that incident would turn out much worse.
A cell phone video of the entire exchange would get 30 million hits on YouTube. Then someone would begin a discussion thread on their Facebook page called: Solomon got played – the true story.
“First she said ‘no,’” the poster would write. “Then she pulled out a stun gun, and Solomon was like, ‘Don’t taze me bro!’ She said, ‘My name ain’t bro!’ and she tazed him anyway.”
Thankfully, things have changed for me. I am now secure enough – and women my age are flexible enough – that if I was single and approached the Council-of-Girls-Who-Dance-Together, they’d look at me differently.
They’d see my necktie and determine that I’m gainfully employed. I’d smile and they’d guess that I have dental insurance. If I jingled my car keys it might start a catfight.
With my luck, the brawl would make YouTube. Then someone would start a Facebook thread called: “Solomon’s a womanizing jerk.”
Knowing the probability of these things happening to me makes me paranoid enough to believe that they can happen to my kids. That’s why I periodically make my daughter pull up her Facebook page so I can peruse it.
If you’re a parent who’s anything like me, you should do it, too.
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I like the imagination and humor that went into this article. However, despite its tangible aesthetic to humor, it ignores the basic tenet of intelligent journalism and debate.
Considering there are ample examples of events that have been described -as horribly embarrassing and widely public via video sharing- there is no reason such examples should have been replaced with imaginary possibilities.
Again, this is creative and fun to read, but I would have greatly enjoyed it more if it were written with a more professional air. Parents would have well known examples that their children could not deny and relate to. Children would be more responsive and the message potential success would be that much more impressive. As well, the parent would look more up to date and interested in the world that said teeny lives in.
When considering talking to your child about these things, consider looking up popular clips from the most recent, but also all-time popular selections (you’ll find it fairly easy to access at youtube.com).
I’m not saying that these poor individuals should be used as a scare tactic, make them human, sit you kid down and ask them how I would feel in this situation, start the conversation and let them have the opportunity to join the conversation. They might not listen to you, but they are going to be that much more receptive if you treat them as capable of intelligence, and maybe you will get them to think.
I’m no father, in fact I’m only 24, but I’m also not so far from my teenage days that I remember which adults around the neighborhood I respected, and why I listened to the sound advice they had.
Good health, and may you give your children the capabilities to make wise decisions.
Joel -
Thanks for reading and responding. I am a professional writer (six books and several award-winning articles and columns), so what I’ve presented here is a professional piece. To say that it ignores the basic tenet(s) of intelligent journalism and debate is a bit insulting, but if that’s your opinion, you are certainly entitled to it. As the father of three, ages 16, 7 and 4, I’d like to share my opinion as well. I have learned that when parents share our own experiences with our children is a very effective teaching tool. It makes us real to them, and lets them know that they are not the first people on earth to experience the travails of childhood and adolescence. While I’m sure there are some great lessons to be learned from YouTube, as you suggest here, there is no substitute for one’s own truth and honesty. Sharing our own struggles and triumphs with our chiuldren is a marvelous way to create real dialogue, gain respect, and raise children who understand how to cope with reality. Thanks again for responding. I hope that one day, when you get the opportunity, you’ll share your own experiences with your children. It’s a great way to parent.
As a teenager, I have to say that your intentions are well placed. I also have to applaud your style and humor - the article was, unlike most I’ve come to find around this site, actually an interesting read.
However, I do feel obligated to a little ‘teen outrage’. If my parents were to make me pull up my myspace/facebook/etc. page, they’d probably be pretty…well, yeah, pissed. And to be honest, I wouldn’t really have that much of a problem with their attitude. ‘That’s fine, you don’t have to like it. But it’s not changing’, I’d say. And there would be yelling, and harsh words, and possibly even blows from both sides, but as a teenager I feel entitled to a little freedom(now you’re free to say that’s wrong, and I’m not entitled to anything…however, like I’ll say to my parents, you don’t have to like it. But it’s still not changing.). In fact, though you’re only thinking of whats best for your kids, this seems like a really good way to breed bad blood between parent and child. And while this may solve your Facebook problem, or your childs neglect for prudence and privacy, suddenly you’ve got a very unhappy sixteen year old girl to deal with. Uh oh.
But still, like I said, I admire your style and your intentions. I have to say that I respect your position, and I hope it doesn’t play out like I predicted.
Solomon,
Thank you so much for writing this post. I work in internet marketing and consequently pay a far bit of attention to my own internet reputation but I find it frightening how little people understand the damage that posting personal information to sites like Facebook can do not just to your social life but to your career.
It has become common practice for companies to research potential employees on social networking sites and yet some how most of us our still obliviously to the fact that photos from last Saturday’s party might mean getting passed up for a job offer in the future. I fear that today’s teenagers will pay the price for our collective naivete particularly those currently in college who are graduating in one of the worst economies we have seen in decades.
If any teens are reading this post - Good Luck!