On Monday morning, after staying up half the night to watch my beloved Philadelphia Eagles lose to the Chicago Bears, I dragged myself out of bed at 5:40 a.m. to wake my 16-year-old daughter for school. By 5:50, it was clear that she was too sick to go because she’d caught the communal cold from my 6-year-old.

Things soon got crazier. I took my wife to the mechanic to get her car fixed, and as a result, was late for work. I turned on the television and saw that my bank had been swallowed up by a bigger bank, stocks had tumbled 700 points, and a worldwide depression was imminent.

But you know what? In spite of the fact that the sky is falling, I still had to do what I do every day: Find new ways to keep my 16-year-old daughter from succumbing to the tight clothes fad (cell phone confiscation seems to work best); assure my 6-year-old that she’s still special despite being the middle child (taking her for rides does wonders); and do at least one manly thing with the 4-year-old (in our last episode of father and son time, I was teaching him to do pushups).

With bank failures hitting home and gas prices hovering right around a gazillion dollars a gallon, I think I speak for all parents, husbands and regular Joes when I say …

I need a bailout.

Can some nice corporate exec please come to my house and wash the clothes? How about the car? Heck, I’d even settle for someone who would wash the dishes. If that were to happen, it would free me up to do the things that really matter, and the trickle down effect on my household would be tremendous.

I’d be able to go beyond teaching my son to do pushups. I could finally get around to showing him how to run a post pattern. I could show my 16-year-old how to drive instead of just getting her to study for her learner’s permit. I could take my 6-year-old daughter to the mall. I could even attain the crown jewel of married parenting … taking my wife on an actual date … to a restaurant or something!

Now, I know it might cause some pain for the corporate guys in the short-run. But in the long-run, my wife and kids would be so much better off because of that corporate sacrifice.

So what do you say, parents? Will you join my movement to have the corporate guys bail us all out of our parental responsibilities? Not only would we get a night off from washing the dishes. We might even be able to get a little rest.

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  Posted by: Guest Blogger: Solomon Jones