Violent Videos Games and My Tween
My oldest son Adam and I were on one of our Sunday walks when he asked me, “Why can’t I play the video games my friends play?” There was a bit of pleading in his voice. Of course I knew he was referring to the violent, shoot ‘em up kind of video games, which are strictly forbidden in our house. I decided to try to turn this opportunity into an impressionable conversation.
We live on a beautiful country road which winds through Virginia’s Blue Ridge Mountains. There are horse farms, sprawling hills and stunning vegetation.
“Look around you,” I suggested. “See the trees, sky, fields, farms, horses, cows, birds and ducks? Now imagine that your mind is photographing everything you see. At any time in the future you’ll be able to pull up an image from this landscape because somewhere in your brain, these pictures have been permanently downloaded — like photos on a computer. The same thing happens if you spend time playing violent video games. You replay those images in your mind. And in some cases, this can lead kids to do reckless things they may not have done otherwise.”
Adam stared back at me wide-eyed and I knew he got it. (I considered this quite an accomplishment, because as we all know, it’s not so easy getting through to a tween.)
As a parent, there are frequent challenges on how to set limits on things such as TV, DVDs, computer use, cell phones, iPods, etc. The issue of violent video games is certainly on this list.
Later that evening while headed to a neighbor’s house, we passed the same spot we had our discussion earlier. “Mom, remember the picture?” he asked. I smiled and felt relieved that we’d managed to get over this video-game hurdle – at least for now.
What are your house policies on violent video games? And how do you help your kids understand the limits you have set for them?
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Tara, I applaud you. You are well on the way to raising a happy, well adjusted child.
Dr. Michael Osit
Clinical Psychologist and author of Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything
Dr. Osit,
I appreciate your support. I feel strongly this is all part of intuitive parenting and something we really need to bring into mainstream parenting. My book Raising Intuitive Children will hopefully begin to set the stage of empowering parents to tune into the needs of their children at a deeper level. Perhaps you would consider reviewing it for my co-author and I?
I really enjoyed reading your article here. I am currently a student in high school. I must say, I’ve never wanted to play violent video games. Every time my friends play them, I have to leave the room because I feel sick to my stomach. I simply cannot see why these games are considered fun. I guess it is because of how I was raised.
I just wanted to tell you that you are doing great, and (of course) you are not the only one.
Teil,
I really appreciate you taking the time to contact me. What a neat thing to know young people read these posts and agree and feel the same way we as parents feel. I have a 7 year old son who can’t even be in the same room if my older son is watching something about war or past events on the history channel. The violence or even talk about the subject greatly affects him. I don’t see him going to a public middle school, b/c they don’t recognize that some children can’t handle the thought of that level of human cruelty. I have also heard tell that some of the images they show them relating to slavery and the civil war has even upset parents I know. Not worth it to leave that kind of visual impression on a young mind.
Thanks again for reading my post and keep up the great work yourself!
Your last post sounds as if you want to protect your child from the terrible things going on in the world?! If anything, we want a generation of people knowing the terrible acts of mankind as to not repeat them. As George Santayana once said “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” And yes it is VERY important to show how terribly slaves were treated for the same reason! Are you recomending your child not see images of the holocaust because they might “…leave that kind of impression on a young mind…” Despite his young age of 7, i feel it is extremely important to let him know early on that acts of violence against the human race are terrible.
Really people it’s just a video game maybe once he gets a little older you can let him play some violent ones. He’s not going to randomly turn into some serial killer just becuase he shot someone on Xbox. 100’s of millions of people play these games everyday and I haven’t noticed any epicly high rates of murders, my friends aren’t trying to kill me. I would say you just need to consider if you think your kid is mature enough to play the game or not.