My oldest son Adam and I were on one of our Sunday walks when he asked me, “Why can’t I play the video games my friends play?” There was a bit of pleading in his voice. Of course I knew he was referring to the violent, shoot ‘em up kind of video games, which are strictly forbidden in our house. I decided to try to turn this opportunity into an impressionable conversation. 

We live on a beautiful country road which winds through Virginia’s Blue Ridge Mountains.  There are horse farms, sprawling hills and stunning vegetation.

“Look around you,” I suggested. “See the trees, sky, fields, farms, horses, cows, birds and ducks? Now imagine that your mind is photographing everything you see.  At any time in the future you’ll be able to pull up an image from this landscape because somewhere in your brain, these pictures have been permanently downloaded — like photos on a computer.  The same thing happens if you spend time playing violent video games.  You replay those images in your mind. And in some cases, this can lead kids to do reckless things they may not have done otherwise.”

Adam stared back at me wide-eyed and I knew he got it.  (I considered this quite an accomplishment, because as we all know, it’s not so easy getting through to a tween.)

As a parent, there are frequent challenges on how to set limits on things such as TV, DVDs, computer use, cell phones, iPods, etc. The issue of violent video games is certainly on this list.

Later that evening while headed to a neighbor’s house, we passed the same spot we had our discussion earlier. “Mom, remember the picture?” he asked. I smiled and felt relieved that we’d managed to get over this video-game hurdle – at least for now.

What are your house policies on violent video games? And how do you help your kids understand the limits you have set for them?

• 	Posted by: Tara Paterson | 6 Comment(s)
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I like sports.  My son, Tank, REALLY likes sports.  But, we don’t have season tickets anywhere because, frankly, you have to have been on a waiting list since your great-grandfather got off the boat.  We are lucky enough to get tickets from friends sometimes and it’s a real treat to take my son to a game.  Especially a football game. (Don’t know if you’ve heard that Brett Favre recently became a Jet – not too many people are talking about that one.)

Unfortunately, sometimes when you go to a game, especially a Jets game for some reason, the fans can be a bit unruly.  (Don’t know if you’ve heard that Brett Favre recently became a Jet – not too many people are talking about that one.)  Spectators can be seen throwing things, fighting, harassing others, making obnoxious comments and gestures, flashing various parts of their anatomy, usually fueled by several too many beers.

Last week, the NFL announced a recommended “Fan Code of Conduct” for its teams and yesterday the New Jersey Sports & Exposition Authority, which operates Giants Stadium where the Giants and Jets play, weighed in with detailed guidelines that echo the NFL’s approach.  (Don’t know if you’ve heard that Brett Favre recently became a Jet – not too many people are talking about that one.)

Parking lots will open only five hours before events instead of seven (I’m pretty sure five hours is enough time to grill a hot dog),  authorities will be restricting alcohol purchases and revoking season tickets from unruly fans - or from season-ticket holders who have given or sold their seats to misbehaving fans. 

Jets owner Woody Johnson said, “As a father, I find it completely unacceptable if fans are uncomfortable bringing their children to a Jets game.”  With these new guidelines, it’ll be a lot more likely that we can enjoy Jets’ games with our kids.  Even more so since Brett Favre recently became a Jet – not too many people are talking about that one.

 (Getty Images)

Recently became a Jet
(Not too many people were talking about that.)

• 	Posted by: Sarit Catz | 1 Comment(s)
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A recent article in U.S. News and World Report talked about how the majority of Alcoholics Anonymous attendees drink coffee (90%) and smoke cigarettes (60%). Many believe that by helping to alleviate feelings of depression, anxiety and irritability, these “lesser” addictions can actually help alcoholics and addicts avoid relapse. Now, however, a researcher from the Ernest Gallo Clinic and Research Center of the University of California, San Francisco is suggesting that recovering alcoholics who continue smoking cigarettes may actually have a higher chance of relapse. Because of this, she feels that nicotine and alcohol addictions should be treated at the same time.

The article doesn’t go into details about the evidence for this claim other than mentioning that animal studies have shown “that nicotine can cause relapses to alcohol drinking” and after reading it, I felt a bit uneasy. The idea that smoking can lead to higher rates of relapse amongst alcoholics is compelling and it would indeed be interesting to see if more AA members who smoke relapse than those who don’t. In the meantime however, without further research, I think it could be a bit risky to start advocating the idea that people who are trying to quit drinking should also quit smoking at the same time.

In my own experience getting sober, cigarettes (and coffee too for that matter), have played a fairly crucial role in my recovery. I got sober at 25 but it took me another 4 years to quit smoking and I still drink at least 2 or 3 cups of coffee a day. Certainly I’m not claiming that I couldn’t have gotten sober without these crutches because in retrospect, it’s impossible to say. What I do know is that at least for me, it made staying clean and sober easier, but not for the reasons that most people might expect. Yes, cigarettes did “take the edge off,” but my real motivation for continuing to smoke went deeper than that because to me, drinking, using, and smoking cigarettes were not just addictions, they were a part of my identity.

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• 	Posted by: Johanna Bailey | 7 Comment(s)
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With this week’s release of The Pineapple Express, we have officially returned to the Stoner Age at the movie theater.  There was a time when Cheech and Chong “pot” movies were popular, but hardly mainstream.  Then came the “Just Say No” era and drugs at the movies were usually reduced the stuff that the bad guys were smuggling.  But, in the past few years R-rated comedy has made a successful return to the big screen.  Along with that, has been a new Hollywood attitude with regard to marijuana in movies like Knocked Up and now Pineapple Express.  Interestingly, although marijuana is a huge part of the plot, the movie has been advertised as though it was about two dimwitted losers with the references to drugs being kept vague.  As parents, how do you think we best let our kids enjoy movies that are flat out funny and entertaining, but at the same time make sure they don’t get the wrong impression?

• 	Posted by: James Ponti | 6 Comment(s)
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I spent last weekend in Ann Arbor visiting friends from school. On the final morning of my trip, in an effort to print out my boarding pass, I checked my e-mail and was confronted with the subject line no child ever wants to read:

Facebook: Nina Hoffman has requested you as a friend!

To make matters worse, when I signed on to the actual site, I realized that my mother had attached to her request the most heartbreakingly adorable and clueless message to ever grace the world of social networking. “Hi, Jessie!” it read. “How are you? I miss you! Guess what. I joined Facebook!”

My mom doesn’t know this, but I did sit quite torn for a while, staring at that familiar blue and white screen, drowning in mental anguish, knowing full well that I could make my mother’s day—heck, her month—by taking .3 seconds out of my life and clicking “I Accept.” But finally, I hit the button that rejected the request and went about my day as usual. I felt—and still feel—guilty. But I also know perfectly well that if my mother had access to my college photos, friends’ profile pictures, and comments left on my electronic message board, I would never ever set foot in Ann Arbor again.

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• 	Posted by: Jessica Hoffman | 7 Comment(s)
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As a parent of a tween, I never imagined how my heart strings would be pulled at upon witnessing kids being kids. Adolescence is such a difficult time in a child’s life, but what can a parent say to her child when one of his friends decides to gang up on him and behave unkindly?

We were at a district championship baseball game and I was watching a friend’s toddler as she parked her car. I was aware of my 11-year-old son over in the side yard area where a bunch of boys were throwing baseballs to one another. One of his friends said something to him, out of earshot for me to hear, and I noticed he had a look on his face of disappointment covered up by the need to be tough. I watched him cooly laugh it off and go about his business, but it stayed with me for quite some time.

Later, I asked what had happened and my son said that so-and-so was trying to be cool in front of another boy. I felt frustration well up, not only because kids can be unkind to one another, but at the hurt my son was feeling. Knowing a little bit about the boy who behaved unkindly and some personal things he has gone through, I offered my son an explanation for why he may have acted unlike himself in this situation. My son also confided in me, saying that the biggest reason he was upset and disappointed in this person was because his behavior did not reflect who he normally was. Unfortunately, my son has begun to experience an unpleasant part of growing up and my hope is that he will continue to share these growing pains with me.

What is that quote that says, “Once you have kids, you forever walk around with your heart outside of your body?” Boy, if that isn’t the truth.

• 	Posted by: Tara Paterson | 1 Comment(s)
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Seems we’ve struck a nerve!  Or perhaps a whole darn brain?  Parents have been raving about a new feature that’s tucked inside the Partnership’s web site.  It goes to that age-old issue of moms, dads, teens and conflict.  What do I mean?   Take a look at the chart below. If you are a parent or any adult caring for a teen, I think you get my drift.

Understanding The Teen Brain is the result of an amazing group of parents meeting a talented group of scientists.  Parents were asking the kind of questions all parents ask at some point.  Who is this this kid?  Why does he/she do that?  Why are we fighting?  What can I do about it?   Scientists had the answers, taken from the latest brain science.  We worked with both groups and put it all together in something fun that’s NOT pointed headed techno mumbo jumbo. 

 Got 5 minutes?  It certainly can answer your questions and benefit every aspect of your relationship with your teen — and their health!

 You’ll never get credit, but add a few IQ points anyway…

 How’s your relationship with your teen changing?

(Graph Jam)

• 	Posted by: Steve Pasierb | 2 Comment(s)
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