Tweens: Are Our Kids Getting Older Younger?
“They grow up so fast!” No matter how old the cliché, ask any parent and they’re sure to agree that it has more than one degree of truth. But how fast is too fast?
On July 12, The New York Times ran an op-ed by Roger Cohen who expresses his concern that his 9-year-old daughter is growing up too quickly – in large part because of marketing efforts toward tweens. For me, it was not such a foreign experience. I myself (or my daughters rather) have been through the tween years and lived to tell about it.
Though my girls are now 16 and 14, the tween years aren’t so far behind me that I don’t remember wondering to myself, “Man, was I this worldly when I was their age?” And to be honest, the answer is undoubtedly “no.”
For one thing, rather obviously, I was never a tween girl. I didn’t care if my shirt matched the grass stains on my knees or if I used the right hair product on my bowl cut – I just didn’t want to be picked last in gym class. But for them it was so different. They always worried about things like “Is this shade of lip gloss still in?” and “Has the Limited sold out of that lemonade peace studs tee I want?”
After reading Cohen’s column I realized just how much of my daughters’ time and energy had (and really still is) devoted to what they would call “fashion” but what others may label “consumerism.” I don’t really know what to make of it – are the tween years just a marketing ploy to get girls who don’t even have allowances yet to spend lots of money? Should parents be keeping a closer eye on what influences their tweens to make decisions – and do their best to shield them from the million-dollar marketing campaigns? Or is it all a part of growing up in a different time and we should just accept it? And how do the decisions tweens make today translate into their susceptibility to peer pressure in the future??
What do you think?
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As a clinical psychologist who has been working with children and families for over 30 years, I have become quite concerned about modeling down, that is, privileges and possessions acquired by today’s youth at younger and younger ages. I don’t attribute the marketing focus as the only culprit for shaping values and attitudes of kids. This is the most aware generation, primarily due to the fact that they have access to the world and each other via internet, text messaging, cell phone use and instantaneous satellite transmissions. News spreads like wildfire and kids want what everyone else has. Living in our world of instant everything has created confusion between “need” and “want” for our kids. The question is, “Who is buying them all this stuff?” Parents need to be actively involved in educating their children so they can make good decisions about what is appropriate for them to have and do. Values and attitudes have become somewhat distorted because what is “in” has become what is normal. Parents need to take a long hard look at how they model for their kids, and how to instill well-grounded values in their kids that are consistent with their own. I think marketing to tweens and teens is just a matter of capitalizing on the culture of technological access and parental indulgence. My book, “Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything,” (Amacom July 2008) provides numerous strategies for parents to raise kids in this unique age of access and excess. If you would like to discuss this very important subject at greater length, please do not hesitate to contact me.
My 8 year old recently asked me to “bedazzel” my cellphone b/c my plain black flip phone “embarassed her”. Man, what next?
For the record, I told her that was a waste of money and instead donated the $30 it apparently costs to do that to a near-by homeless shelter in her name. Let’s see if that teaches her what I’m hoping it will…
Well, here I am at work and someone sent this link to me and I think “I’ve got so much to do, but since she asked I’ll browse.”
Now it’s about 20 mins later and I’ve read all the articles on the first page and realize that I really would like to take the time to read the rest of them on the Decoder page.
The format is great. Short articles that are informative and concise. Topics that even I (having already gone through most of it with a daughter being 23 now) am finding interesting.
There are a few that I would like to see delve deeper into the subject. Seems they just get you interested and then they are finished.
Definitely worth the time, but unfortunately, I have no more to give.
I can see this happening with the younger children in my extended family. My 17 year old son started asking for specific Jordan sneakers when he entered hign school — as opposed to my 9 and 8 year old nephews that are already asking for them! How do kids at that age know which sneakers are the cool and pricey ones?
I bet the internet is kids these days get most of their info from. I guess there is a downside of having too much technology
My guess is that celebrity culture also plays a huge role in making little kids so market-conscious today…the most famous celebrities right now are who? The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus–Disney Channel kids who are only in middle or early high school! They have millions to spend on clothes and shoes, but they star in shows for tweens playing your normal, everyday junior high kid. This probably sends a really confusing message to tweens about what they should be wearing, how they should be doing their hair, etc.