From columnist Deirdre Reilly
“Sometimes it’s not whether the battle is won that’s important, but whether it is fought. Refusing to purchase any Abercrombie and Fitch items or rap CDs or violent video games will not shut down stores or halt production, you can count on that. But the time you spend saying no to the blatantly bad – whether you are saying it, texting it or even yelling it to your kids — will stay with them for a long time. Yeah, they might hate you. Welcome to true parenting – for some extended periods of time, if you are not hated by your teen, you aren’t doing it right.”
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Saying no to your preteen and teenage children when you KNOW they hate you for it is one of the hardests things I’ve had to do as a parent. A battle over a video game purchase isn’t too bad - but the bigger conflicts like curfews and teen driving (that “every other parent” except for you is so lenient about) can be really emotional. We can only hope we’re doing the right thing and striking the right balance of “firm but loving”.
First, I hope everyone clicks through to read the full column by Deirdre Reilly, “Just say no to bad parenting.” I couldn’t agree more with her take on the exploitation of our children by the culture — in fact, this is the crux of my upcoming parenting book “Bringing Up Geeks: How to protect your kid’s childhood in a grow-up-too-fast world.” I disagree, though, that we necessarily must expect a period in which our teens hate us. Believe it or not, it’s possible to raise Genuine, Enthusiastic, Empowered Kids (GEEKs) who neither hate us or resent of loving limits in their lives. I have three teens and a tween, and while they don’t always like our decisions or agree with our rules for them, they don’t slam doors or yell “I hate you.” It can be done! (Find out how in my book, due in bookstores July 1). Hurray for Reilly’s strong stand for courageous parenting — and hurray for everyone who raises the bar for teen behavior and sets higher expectations. Our kids and our culture need our best efforts!