That’s the question that haunts me. 

More than anything, the one thing I most wanted to be was a father.  Unlike those movies where the main character has it all but is unhappy until he finally realizes that all that really matters is his family, I always knew it.  But, the question still haunts me - What if I’m not good at this?

If I’m bad at my job, my boss can fire me.  If I’m a jerk to my friends, they can stop being my friends.  But my kids only get one dad.  When it comes to those go ask your dad moments, I’m the one they’re coming to.  And, when I fall short, they’re the ones that pay the price.

Unlike those movies, where everything gets tied up in a neat bow, you never know for sure. 

I try to arm them with everything they’ll need to face down the demons and the dangers.  I try to talk and listen.  I try to stay involved in their lives.  I try to tell them I love them and more importantly show them that I love them.  I even sneak into their rooms after they fall asleep and whisper to them, hoping that on some subconscious level they’ll know how incredible they are.

Then I go and lie in bed.  And when the doubts hit me, I do my best to give the one answer that keeps me going.  Maybe I am.

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  Posted by: James Ponti