This week at my kids’ elementary school it’s Red Ribbon Week. What does that mean? Well, this week the school presents programs designed to keep the kids from drinking, smoking and doing drugs.
It’s never too young to start, of course, but at the elementary school level, this is a challenging proposition. We’re talking about suburban kids fifth grade and under. Really, how do you get kids whose friends are probably not drinking, smoking and doing drugs to understand how bad these things can be?
The school has an assembly in which a robot talks about taking care of your #1 machine, your body. They also have the kids sign a pledge and they give out some red pencils. Actually, you only get the pencils if you buy them for your kids. I feel like every time I turn around the school is asking me for a check so I didn’t buy the pencils this year because my kids have forests worth of pencils already and to tell you the truth, I don’t know how a pencil is going to convince them not to engage in this self-destructive behavior.
So, on my own, I have come up with what I think is a virtually fool proof way to scare my kids off drinking, smoking and doing drugs. A picture’s worth a thousand words…

…and about 3,000 pencils! (Getty Images)